1. Never drink in a pub with a flat roof (Advice given to me either by JohnD or JerryChicken or possibly both)

2. .....

Your turn ... but NO politics and NO religion.

'Living is learning.'

As a wise person once told me. Well, they told me more than once, actually. So it eventually stuck.

Actually, I'd add: "Nothing is worth more than this day," although that's by Goethe, and he didn't relay it to me personally.

As my old mate said for years down my local in describing the fairer sex.................

''Nice people - Wrong planet''!

My old man only ever gave me three pieces of advice in his life:

Never trust a Welshman
Never shower with your clothes on
Never attempt to eat anything bigger than your head

The only one I can add is: Never trust a man who uses a purse

Pub with a flat roof was mine based on the one nearest to my house



Also see - "never drink in a pub that needs a bouncer on the door"


Other life rules from my own Museum of Recollections are ...

Never queue for a table in a restaurant, its not your fault they haven't got enough tables and they certainly won't have enough staff to serve you if its full.

Never pay more than two hours of your wages for a pair of jeans or a shirt, anything in excess of that is someone taking the p1ss, usually the retailler.

Never buy a second hand jigsaw if you want to avoid weeks of frustration.

ALWAYS check for signs when parking your car, you're looking especially for small signs thirty foot in the air with red writing on - the ones that the clamping company put there.

...when you're the only male in a house full of females just accept that you're always wrong and everything is always your fault - then get on with your own life and tune them out.

Also known as "Never argue with a woman ... and never agree either".

Never drink anything blue.

Never eat anything grey and I include tinned tuna in that description

Worry only about things you can change
Never trust a slim butcher, or chef
The more someone talks about sex, the less of it they are getting
Men are wise after the event, Women were right all along
Dogs have owners, Cats have servants
Regret doing, life is too short for "if only I'd...."

Ah yes, Ladies and Gentlemen I present, Bill Bratley, Sex Machine [urlhttp://jerrychicken.wordpress.com/2008/12/09/bill-bratley-sex-machine/[/url

Damned right!

Always buy soap on a rope - My Grandad when I joined the navy

Lager is for women and vicars.

Trust nothing you hear and only half of what you see.

Make sure you pay your rent, gas and electric. Everyone else can wait.

Just about the only advise my dear old pop ever gave me.

Regret nothing, just don't do it again. It's called experience.

Never do owt for nowt unless its for yourself.

Those that can do, those that can't teach.

God gave blokes a brain and a c*ck, but not enough blood to work them both at the same time !

Probably one of the most rediculous "words of wisdom" ever.

If nobody taught, nobody would learn.

As a father of a teacher, I totally agree, it's a stupid phrase.

It was he, but it is still true

Maybe I heard it from him but via you.
He'd still be at the bar.

Looking for his purse?

My old boss from Texas always says; 'Time flies when you're drunk as hell..'

Not sure, but he may have stolen that from the TV series, Dallas.

Rule of the 3 Fs:

If it flies, floats or does something else beginning with F, rent it. Don't buy it.

When standing at a bar in a crowd of other people all waiting to be served, you have but two chances to catch the bar tenders eye, after that he thinks you're just standing there and you become invisible to him.

Life experience #42

Never take sleeping pills and laxatives before you go to bed