And it came to pass, that all was not well with Robin Hood, Prince of thieves; there just didn’t seem to be enough punters to fleece, passing through Sherwood. His once merry men were sullen and poor Marion had to resort to scrubbing at the inn. So he called a meeting to resolve the situation.
Scene opens in poorly lit inn taproom.
Merry man No. 1:
[i“How about scamming the Sherriff of Caisley”.[/i
Hood:
[i“No, he’s onto me”, he sold our best swordsmen Big Burgess and Little Burgess to servitude in the colonies”.
[/i
Merry man No. 2:
[i“How about Coral Portcullises? They are always good for a few quid” [/i
Hood:
[i“No they’re skint”
[/i
Merry man No. 2:
[i“I’m sure we can squeeze JCT300 chariot dealers”
[/i
Hood:
[i“Nah, no money there either”. “But wait a minute, maybe we could appeal to the thieves’ guild, I’m sure they can do something”………..
[/i
Scene cuts to a dark dingy glade in the middle of Sherwood Forest. A group of shady characters are huddled under a tree and the sound of undergrowth being cleared and tents erected rises in the background.
Assorted thieves, speaking in unison
[i“We’ve been here for three weeks and we haven’t waylaid a single person”:
[/i
Chairman of Thieves Guild
[i“Ah but look, we are building this wonderful new headquarters” [/i– (points at assorted badly erected tents and half lit spluttering campfire)
Assorted thieves, speaking in unison
[i“How much did we pay Hood for the exclusive rights to steal in Sherwood?”
[/i
Bursar of thieves Guild
[i“A million silver pennies”
[/i
Stunned silence.
A bird lands on a branch and poops on the Chairman’s head.
Scene pans to dark clouds rising in the distance and the sound of grown men crying.
End
