Thought some of you might find this amusing:


[iFollowing events in the Super League play-off series last weekend, the RFL has made an announcement, introducing several new rules and regulations for next season. In a statement from Red Hall, the RFL confirmed the introduction of a Health & Safety executive whose primary concern is that of the safety of players on the field.

“Various events at the weekend have proven that this is a necessary step, and I’m sure players and fans alike will embrace the new regulations and appreciate why they will be there.” said Chris Joynt, who fills the new position. “In any other job there are health and safety policies, so why should Rugby League be any different?”

The first regulation is the introduction of the “Manual Handling” policy, which mirrors similar policies in most workplaces.
“Players will be taught the correct way to lift, which means with the knees rather than the back. Whilst this will make the play the ball much safer, it is important to note that any weight over 20Kg requires a two man lift. Risk assessments at every tackle are an essential part of the process.”

Joynt, a former St Helens and Great Britain forward, also commented on passing: “An incident from Sunday’s match, where a Castleford player was hit in the head by a passed ball highlighted the need to ensure that such unsafe practices do not continue. The ball must now be given from player to player to ensure safety. You wouldn’t lob a hole-punch across an office, the same standards must apply on the pitch.”

Joynt has come up with a 43-point plan to make Rugby League a safer game, which includes audible reversing signals and rear-view mirrors for players running backward at each play the ball, high-visibility stripes for smaller players such as Rob Burrow, and in the case of players such as Kieron Cunningham, clear ‘Wide Load’ signs.

There were a number of changes only in tentative stages of discussion due to legislation in targeting individuals on a case-by-case basis, which include a hair-net for Eorl Crabtree, a “Long Vehicle” sign for overly-endowed Sam Tomkins, and long-running discussions on the safety of shine-tops Keith Senior and Richard Moore.

“We were considering a hair-share policy, where the likes of Crabtree and Long could provide hair for those bereft of it. It's going to take a long time to work our way through the red tape on this one. Sun glare is a serious problem, especially now we're a Summer Sport." added Joynt.

Joynt did let slip of another proposed change to the rules when quizzed about the League structure. "I don't want to say too much now, " he said, "but Super League is getting more and more competitive each year. We say it every year, 'This is our most closely contested season'... but imagine how close it would be if teams who lost or drew got 2 league points as well! I'm not going to say anymore, but watch this space..."

One lone, anonymous voice spoke out in protest at the proposed change, specifically the introduction of the "Walk, don't run" policy.

"It would slow the game down almost to Union speed." he said. Our personal concern is aimed at the 35th amendment, which is known as the "Every 20 minutes... NOW wash your hands" policy.[/i


[size=59PLEASE Note the word "Spoof" in the title. Not one ounce of this is true. Honest.[/size

If this happens then the RFL are a joke

I hope you are being sarcastic Conventry!

I don't think he was

Damn that RFL!!

I heard a rumour that they were talking about removing the tackling aspect of the game and moving to a tag only sport.

The article was funny, Coventry Warrior was funnier.

just what i was thinking. Comedy genius !

Am suprised that Mr Joynt does not advocate elbow pads for unexpected falls to the floor at inappropriate moments

Do you still take a notepad to games Fishsta so you can count how many forward passes St Helens do?

Priceless

You know, if that had EVER happened, that would almost have been funny.

Unluckily for you, it didn't.

How do you know Sam's overly endowed?

The Voluntary tackle that never was.....just ask James Lowes.....

I don't. Like I said "Not one ounce is true".

That's not to say he [iisn't[/i, but then I haven't really been looking.

Thought all had missed that......

What about the knock-on that never was?

I can see Nigel Wood at the RFL pondering this idea now!

Dave

Hope Fishta got his patent in already.