[uRound 2[/u

Jeez. Football? Didn't they decide who won this last year?


BARBIES PREMIER LEAGUE
Stoke v Man Utd H 2 - 1
Aston Villa v West Ham A 0 - 3
Bournemouth v Crystal Palace D 1 - 1
Chelsea v Watford H 3 - 0
Liverpool v Leicester D 2 - 2
Man City v Sunderland H 5 - 0
Swansea v West Brom A 1 - 0
Tottenham v Norwich H 1 - 0
Newcastle v Everton A 3 - 1
Southampton v Arsenal A 4 - 2

[uRound 3[/u

Last Sunday (about 5 years ago) whilst carrying out his Nihilarian within the Iconic RFL ground previously known as ‘the hole in the ground’, Matt Orford (with lamprophony) stated that through a semi-arousing Scopperloit gained through watching an adult video of Nigel Wood inserting parsnips with floccinaucinihilipilification, a “can’t be d” attitude, and a homesick heart; that he would not be playing the second half unless everyone (including the widdiful crowd) stripped to their underpants. When this was rejected he promptly threw an enormous tantrum and returned to the antipodes’, Widdershins, to mope like the spoiled little Jessie he is.

(Apologies about grabbing the low-hanging fruit here. Thought I would get it in first...)

Round 2


BARBIES PREMIER LEAGUE
Stoke v Man Utd 1 - 1
Aston Villa v West Ham 0 - 2
Bournemouth v Crystal Palace 1 - 3
Chelsea v Watford 4 - 0
Liverpool v Leicester 2 - 3
Man City v Sunderland 3 - 1
Swansea v West Brom 0 - 0
Tottenham v Norwich 1 - 0
Newcastle v Everton 2 - 2
Southampton v Arsenal 1 - 3

Best player in the league by miles and I'm joint last. How do I submit a transfer request?

edit: I'll miss the spectators if I leave. Particularly the ones who are on my team.

Round 2

BARBIES PREMIER LEAGUE
Stoke v Man Utd 1-1
Aston Villa v West Ham 1-2
Bournemouth v Crystal Palace 2-2
Chelsea v Watford 2-1
Liverpool v Leicester 1 -1
Man City v Sunderland 4-0
Swansea v West Brom 0-0
Tottenham v Norwich 3-1
Newcastle v Everton 1-2
Southampton v Arsenal 1-2

Round 3

It was the day the Bulls fans dreamed of since the first rumours were aired, the signing of mercurial half back Matt Orford! Although he was no higher than Dean Widdershins, he was full of lamprophony with a kicking game that could land the ball on the tips of parsnips. The season started brightly enough Orford the main man dragging a team that had been put together cheaper than previous years to 4th in the table, with a memorable victory against wigan in the bag too.

But then the dreaded injury came and the situation quickly turned sour. With a scopperloit nihilarian of an agent who had no care for a contract both him and Orford were widdiful. It was then every bulls fan to a man had the same floccinaucinihilipification of both these horrible creatures. Both these scumbags who took our beloved club to the brink will never be deemed any better than the dry, sweaty, skid mark, sweetcorn filled stains in the bottom of Nigel Woods Underpants.

Soooo. Say I thought the away team would win by 2 goals to 1 do I put "A 2-1" or "A 1-2"?

Apologies I missed the first round.

Here is round two. I will post round 3 later.

Stoke v Man Utd draw 1-1
Aston Villa v West Ham draw 1-1
Bournemouth v Crystal Palace away - Palace 1-2
Chelsea v Watford home - Chelsea 3-1
Liverpool v Leicester draw 2-2
Man City v Sunderland home 2-0
Swansea v West Brom home 2-1
Tottenham v Norwich home 2-0
Newcastle v Everton draw 2-2
Southampton v Arsenal away 0-3

Round 2

Saturday 26th December 2015
INSECT BATTLEDROME PREMIER LEAGUE
Stoke v Man Utd A 1-2
Aston Villa v West Ham A 1-2
Bournemouth v Crystal Palace 2-2
Chelsea v Watford H 1-0
Liverpool v Leicester A 1-2
Man City v Sunderland H 3-1
Swansea v West Brom 1-1
Tottenham v Norwich H 3-1
Newcastle v Everton A 1-2
Southampton v Arsenal A 1-2


Round 3

Matt Orford gazed down morosely at the shrivelled Parsnip in his hand. Despite a near fevered bout of scopperloit endeavour, he had come to realise that coaxing life from his lying, contract ignoring wang was the preserve of a nihilarian. It died the day he’d walked out on the Bradford Bulls and no fervent manipulation had been able to resuscitate his stricken Knight. He would have to face the facts; Sir Percy was dead. He lifted his eyes to the mirrored ceiling, cheeks burning with shame. From that angle you could have been forgiven for being unaware that he was a vile portly dwarf with zero scruples, but in his heart he knew that no quirk of reflection could truly disguise his myriad flaws.

He sighed deeply and begin to pace his room in his underpants, around the foot of the bed, past the chest-of-drawers, beyond the blackened area he called ‘Carvell corner’ where he burned his contracts, and back to the bed. He picked up a Rugby League magazine and idly flicked through the pages until his interest was piqued by a two page article about Airships and blimps. He smiled quizzically at the strange notion of a blimp with a face and sat down on the bed in confusion. On closer inspection, the article was in fact a two pager on Nigel Wood. A mistake which Orford, normally one to self-flagellate, forgave himself for.

The general consensus was that any man who’s marketing genius extended to re-naming a Rugby League team “Blue sox” was widdiful and ill-equipped to look after a cat let alone the RFL, but to Orford there was something about that enigmatic smile that pleased him; An allure he could not deny about Nigel’s startling resemblance to a pork pie with limbs. Without realising that his hands had once again strayed, Orford had begun to windmill in a widdershins fashion and to his surprise Sir Percy had risen from the dead. Could it be that walking out of contracts was not in fact his first love? Could it also be that his floccinaucinihilipilification of his sickly protuberance was premature? As his arms pumped viciously like the pistons of an onanistic steam train, he bellowed with great lamprophony “I love you Nigel Wood”.

Has Gyles Brandreth hacked your account Pumps?

Bravo!

There is no "I" in "TEAM" and it's a team competition. I liken you to Lionel Messi if he played for Crewe Alexandra.

You might consider telling your shrinking violet team-mates that you know where they live ...

He has a fair trek if he want to come and sort me out!

Maybe he can just get Roger twice and that will do?

Wow

Yeah I know, but I honestly think Villa can keep West Ham to 2.

Saturday 26th December 2015
SOFTCOCK PREMIER LEAGUE
Stoke v Man Utd H 2:1 - (for a bonus point, Van gaal sacked, Mourinho appointed.)
Aston Villa v West Ham H 2:1
Bournemouth v Crystal Palace D 0:0
Chelsea v Watford H 4:0
Liverpool v Leicester H 2:1
Man City v Sunderland H 2:0
Swansea v West Brom D 2:2
Tottenham v Norwich H 2:0
Newcastle v Everton D 1:1
Southampton v Arsenal A 0:2

My predictions for round 2. Got them in just before the deadline luckily.

The scores are in for the girlieball round.

Congratulations to debaser for an all-correct round, brilliant stuff. I have unfortunately had to disqualify the entry, since although debaser sent his entry in in time on his planet, sadly due to (I presume) time dilation and wormholes, it didn't land on the RLFannies server until Sunday. Harsh I know, but sometimes I have to be.

Scores achieved, and RAB Factor points awarded:

Fr13daY 47___________6 points
Highlander 44___________ 5 pts
thepimp007 36___________ 4 pts
Pumpetypump 32___________ 3 pts
mystic eddie 29___________ 2 pts
broadybull87 18___________ 1 pt

Bonus points for Team Spectre for number of entrants, leaving the standings at the end of round 2 as follows:

1st Team Spectre - 31
2nd Team Star Wars - 14
3rd Team Mars - 8



Don't forget the deadline is looming for entrants for Round 3, which is developing into a sizzling battle. Literary genius. Who knew?

What!!!! It's an outrage. I can't be held responsible for technical failure. I forgot what a complete fix this game is. That's two years in a row that I have been shafted.

BTW, where is tigertot? Skiving tw*t.

I spent ages typing in my entry for the next round, then went to check the meaning of floccinaucinihilipilification and by the time I got back on, the writing was gone. That is a genuine excuse. I can't be bothered typing it in again.
Needless to say, it was amazing.

And seeing as I was robbed on the last round I should have some points on this one.

Especially seeing as tigertot, my so called team mate is about as much use as a chocolate teapot.

And by the way, Ferocious aardvark is a very lovely man.

I'm back, been in the Lakes for a week without access to a PC but access to plenty of water. Currently trying to track down my 87 year old Mum lost somewhere between Romania & Luton.

Which lakes?

I've been on dry land for a week is a more specific address than "the lakes"....

Them big ponds in Cumbria.
Mum located in a taxi north of Luton.

Ah, yes - good to hear your mum has found a job with the taxis, best she hangs on to it as they're not too easy to find these days. A Mum with 'the knowledge'! I'm impressed!

I demand a drugs test.

Right, your papers have been returned from marking by Salman Rushdie and the following scores have been awarded:

Fr13daY - "A minor masterpiece of brevity, though more care in matching vocabulary with context would improve"

thepimp007 - "Excellent work, a subtle understated opening, and a neat barrage of hits on key words at the end. Spoiled only by imagery that I didn't want in my head"

Pumpetypump - "But here, the art of literature elevated to a different plane. Lyrical, exhilarating and masterful as it weaves from pun to twist, sprinkl'd with additional turns of phrase simply for adornment, I wish I would have wrote this mesen"

debaser - "Almost a total failure, but I have awarded something for the perspicacious beginning "tigertot? Skiving tw*t." Rare insight needs to be rewarded. If modestly."

So, at the end of round 3, the totals are as follows, and as per comp rules, these have been halved, and the leaderboard is thus:

1. TEAM SPECTRE: 22.5
2. TEAM STAR WARS: 12.5
3. TEAM MARS (where they might as well be): 4