A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.

"Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me."

The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.

The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you?

"Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blonde."

"I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken."

A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!"

The American said, "We were the first on the moon!"

The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!"

The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian.

To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!"

Mosh pit.

Well concealed tazer.

Hours of endless entertainment.

Did you know that if you say the word gullible slowly, it sounds just like green eggs.

It got quite a good reaction on Facebook

I've been to those gigs as well!

I like this!...well done Brew...made me laugh!!!

And a tazer is nothing in comparison!

Teacher asks her class if anyone knows a story from the bible.

Little Johnny raises his hand and says "Yes miss , i can tell you about David and Goliath ",

"Ok, carry on Johnny" says the teacher

"Well, to cut a long story short David killed Goliath , and then he got on his motorbike and ****ed off" said Johnny,

The teacher says "You're right to an extent , David did kill Goliath , but back then they never had motorbikes"

"Yes they did , and i can prove it" replies Johnny ,

Then he opens up his bible turns to page 354 and says "It says in here that when David killed Goliath all you could hear was the roar from his triumph!"

"Lighten the mood"?! Try and have the fortnight we're going through

At least you're not having to put up with gloating Widnes fans.

What's the difference between snot and cauliflower?

Kids will eat snot.

What do you call a gay dinasour?

A megasorass.

It's a brontesore actually!

That's only if it lives in Howarth.

Why is there no asparin in the jungle?

'Cos the parrots-ate-them-all

Nicked from the Salford board:

Very good.

what do ya call a lesbian dinosaur?!










a LICKALOTAPUSS !

Little Billy catches his mum and dad in the middle of having sex, mum was on top

"what are you doing?" asks billy

embarassed, his Mother replies "your daddys got a big belly so from now and again i sit on it to make it flatter"

Billy replies "your wasting your time mum, whenever you go shopping the woman from next door comes round, gets on her knees and blows it back up again"

What were Michael Jackson's last words?

"OWWW!"