Who's Your Daddy?

When someone puts in for Child Support,
the proper thing to do is to find out who the father is
and see why he is not providing support.

The following are all replies
that Dallas women have written on Child Support Agency forms
in the section for listing father's details.
Or putting it another way ...
Who's your Daddy! These are genuine excerpts from the forms:

(Be sure to check out number 11 - it takes the prize and #3 is
runner-up.)

1. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins,
child A was fathered by Jim Munson.
I am unsure as to the identity of the father of child B,
but I believe that he was conceived on the same night.

2. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my child
as I was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from
behind.
I can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the
party if this helps.

3. I do not know the name of the father of my little girl.
She was conceived at a party at 3600 Grand Avenue
where I had unprotected sex with a man I met that night.
I do remember that the sex was so good that I fainted.
If you do manage to track down the father,
can you send me his phone number? Thanks.

4. I don't know the identity of the father of my daughter.
He drives a BMW that now has a hole made by my stiletto in one of the
door panels.
Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this area
and see if he's had it replaced.

5. I have never had sex with a man.
I am still a Virginian. I am awaiting a letter from the Pope
confirming that my son's conception was immaculate
and that he is Christ risen again.

6. I cannot tell you the name of child A's dad
as he informs me that to do so would blow his cover
and that would have cataclysmic implications for the economy.
I am torn between doing right by you and right by the country.
Please advise.

7. Number 7 was removed to keep e-mail P.C.

8. Peter Smith is the father of child A.
If you do catch up with him, can you ask him what he did with my AC/DC CDs?
Child B who was also borned at the same time ...
well, I don't have a clue.

9. From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at Disney
World; maybe it really is the Magic Kingdom.

10. So much about that night is a blur. The only thing that I remember for sure is Delia Smith did a program about eggs earlier in the evening.
If I'd have stayed in and watched more TV rather than going to the
party at 146 Miller Drive, mine might have remained unfertilized.

11. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my baby;
after all, when you eat a can of beans you can't be sure which one
made you fart.

BAD NEWS - Patrick Swayze has died!

MORE BAD NEWS - The Swayze family had booked Keith Floyd to do the buffet at the wake!

They'd have had the thyme of their life.

Yorkshire Women





3 men married wives from different countries. The first man married a woman from China. He told her that she was to do their dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.



The second man married a woman from Italy. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better.

By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done and there was a huge dinner on the table.



The third man married a Yorkshire Lass.

He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed,

lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal.

He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he

didn't see anything but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher.

NEW WORLD SURVEY


Last month a world-wide telephone survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was:-

"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"

The survey was a huge failure because of the following:

In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.

In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.

In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.

In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.



In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.

In South America they didn't know what "please" meant.

In the US they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.

And finally, in the UK they just hung up because they couldn't understand the Indian accent.

Fantastic! I've just discovered twitter. its my girlfriends sensitive area between the & the Shitter.




replace lover with tw@at