i am quite fond of my spicy Indian and Mexican food.

I was out last night for a Mexican and had my usual portion of jalapenos.

Does anyon have any suggestions for the best way of avoiding chilli bum ( apart from not eating them) or how best to ameliorate the problem when i have to go to the toilet.

Sh1t in an ice bath.

Try taking Alka-Seltzer, it sorts my stomach out when I've drank too much. Just a tablet that dissolves in water.

I don't tend to get the chilli bum problem so I'm not sure if it will work or not but it's worth a try, you can get them from boots and they're not too expensive.

Bog roll in the fridge.

Colonic

Greek yoghurt either orally or anally, best thing for relieving any burn of any type

Take a ton of laxatives so if it's going to burn it'll only be for a short while.

Time going for a shoite with setting a mouse trap off on your hand, you'll be more worried about the hand.

Scented candles.

Thread of the year!

Try and make it one of those ones that splashes back, and aim the splash back to the affected area!

Before you go, carefully extract the cardboard cylinder from the bog roll. Then carefully insert the cylinder up your backside, ensuring you do not squash it in the process. Thereafter, evacuate your bowels and hey presto! it won't touch the sides on the way out. Problem solved.

Lovely stuff RLFANS. Lovely stuff.

It's like the Sin Bin 2003.

Does anyone else suffer from chilli willy as well? I think my internal wiring is screwed...

In a particularly severe case, you could combine methods.

i recommend:

1. Fill toilet with large quantity of ice cubes, and wait 5 mins for water to become very cold. Do not over-fill as you must retain splashability.

2. Do your thing, while setting off mousetrap on fingers simultaneously. If mousetrap forgotten or unavailable, slamming the door of the dubs onto your thumb, or in case of unsuitable door, poking yourself in the eye, will work equally well as a distraction.

3. Dip one of these

into a pot of Greek yoghurt
(Other products such as Calippo can work well, but the Zoom caters for a wide range of sphincter apertures, and if the end breaks off, is less prone to falling back out)

4. Insert rectally. Lave as long as liked. If in hurry, break off and leave sharp end in situ*

* If time is tight then you should acquire some of these, or similar


If used, consider in particular strife inserting small bag of frozen peas in gusset

This.

It’s horrible stuff but it took away the burning sensation I got from this super-hot sauce my mate gave me to try one time.

Try ripping off the top part of your fingernail so that it parts company with the skin underneath, I did last night while trying to scratch, ironically, my backside.

Jesus that hurts, I confessed to all sorts of things just to make it stop.

These are what you need:

as Cod'ead says, yogurt

It has got be be said that you are a bit of a lightweight if you get ringsting of Jalapenos.

Is this a male thing?

Don't think so, the last lady I checked had a brown starfish.