Not stand up but...

Basil Fawlty: Manuel put it on those trays.
Manuel: No no Mr Fawlty. Unos, dos, tres.


or

Father Ted: Right, one more time. These are small, but the ones out there are far away.... Small.... Far away.


As for Spike Milligan, his imagination and creativity in comedy was ahead of his time. Listen to old Goons recordings. Not everyone's cup of tea. A lot of funny people have credited him as being their inspiration. Then again if you watch the programme Curry & Chips you can see how he fell out of the mainstream

There is a very good biography written about him by his personal assistant of 30-odd (probably very odd) years, "Memories of Milligan" by Norma Farnes gives a lot of insight into his personal life and personal turmoil with life-long depression which he always attributed to his experiences as a gunner in Italy during WW2, his own written memoirs of that time tend to gloss over the real issues he had and try to put a funny spin on it.

A quote from her ...



His contemporaries, the comedians and other script writers that he worked with speak of his generosity too, for instance he'd bought a house in central London just to work in and write by himself but after setting up his own and Norma Farnes' office he was left with several upstairs rooms and so would let aspiring writers use them cheaply or for free as long as they didn't disturb him downstairs, the comedy writers Galton and Simpson and also Eric Sykes became long term residents there.

A line from him as a review of a not-very-good comedian that he'd seen : "He left an indelible blank on my mind,"

The number of times we've looked at each other and done the: "It's perspective" routine: we were half disappointed that Linehan hadn't shoehorned it into his stage version of [iThe Ladykillers[/i.

We also tend to find ourselves doing a version of the 'whipped' pronunciation routine between Stewie and Brian from [iFamily Guy[/i.

At the other end of the spectrum, I went to a cricket club's annual dinner where the "turn" was Norman Collier. His most famous routine was playing a club's MC with a broken mic. Unfortunately on this occasion Collier's mic genuinely was faulty and kept cutting out, but not of course at the right places. Completely ruined his act, after 10 mins he sat down with his head in his hands.

As opening lines go, the bloke who did the Leeds ex-players dinner a few years ago had a pretty good one, as Jerry Chicken will attest to.

Thanks very much. I nearly didn't make it here tonight because I came on the bus. It's alright though - I made it look like an asthma attack.


The rest of the turn was utterly forgettable

There are times and situations and often involve drink, where you find yourself sat at a table of hysteria, when he told that joke there was a quiet ripple of laughter to start with, then ten seconds later the laughter started and then I can't remember any other joke that he told but I do remember thinking that if I kept on laughing much longer I was going to be sick, what with all that banoffee pie I'd eaten, and everything.

Slightly paraphrased to make it comply with the AUP.

My father died making love. He did. My father was 57 when he died. The woman was 18. My father came and went at the same time.

Richard Pryor

86 today.

Happy Birthday, Doddy

Doddy needs to pack it in, he hasn't been funny for 20 years, should have followed Russ Abbotts example

Next time you decide to repeat yourself in the same thread, you might find it helps to make an attempt at consistency.

Tommy Cooper

"Ireland’s worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 1826 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night"

Russ Abbott was brilliant for a time. Unfortunately he was that good he was on TV every week for about 3 years so people got bored. Apparently you can have too much of a good thing.

Russ Abbot packed it in because no one wanted to see him. Ken Dodd can still post the "HOUSE FULL" signs wherever he appears.

But because you don't think he's funny and despite being in a minority of one on this thread, you want him to stop performing. Not for the first time, you are sounding like Iain Duncan Smith.

Now, is there any chance of you telling us your favourite joke from a comedian? You know, what the OP was requesting

Another personal attack, do you need a new prescription of Werthers?

I'd quote my favourite comedian if I thought it wouldn't require an explanation after the fact.

b'dum tish

That's a "personal attack"?

I'd quote my favourite gag if I had the confidence that my sense of humour wouldn't be shown up as questionable and misguided.

I'd quote my favourite gag if I had the confidence that my sense of humour wouldn't be shown up as questionable and misguided.

One of my favorite comics, superbly crafted monologues and gags, the [url=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seven_dirty_words7 words you can't say on TV[/url being the pinnacle, in the same league as Newhart and Hope IMO. He never came over here much so didn't get the recognition he richly deserved.

"In awe, I watched the waxing moon ride across the zenith of the heavens like an amber'd chariot towards the ebony void of infinite space; wherein the tethered belts of Jupiter and Mars hang, for ever festooned in their orbital majesty. And as I looked at all this I thought... I must put a roof on this toilet."

"There was a commotion outside, so I ran out into the street, and there I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, six should be enough.' "

What's red & invisible?

No Tomatoes

(Stephen Fry)

Doddy is a legend. Still funny and can still sell out a venue.

My favourite is one from the great Tommy Cooper:

"I rang a builders merchants and said, 'I want a skip outside my house'. The man said, 'well I'm not stopping you.'"

Clean, fast and genuinely funny. In fact, you can pick 100 Tommy one-liners.

After reading your dour, whinging, sour posts for the last couple of years, I can see you have absolutely no sense of humour.

Happiness hurts for you, I'm guessing.

He does give Victor Meldrew a run for his money.

Can't quite see what was so terrible that he got banned for a while.
But what the heck.