Madcap theory I heard in work today. The plane was laden with Ukranian bullion and the Americans have flown it to Diego Garcia.

I have theory on this and it sounds mad.

It crashed in the vast ocean and is very hard to find

Well I have a very good theory but I'm keeping my cards close to my chest until Sky News ring me to appear on all of their news bulletins for the next four or five weeks, but here is a sneak preview for you all...

The plane was hijacked by penguins.



It explains it all, penguins from Kuala Lumpur zoo disguised as nuns boarded the plane then shortly after takeoff bribed the cabin crew with chocolate biscuit bars to let them into the cockpit, a common enough practice on Malaysia flights apparently, once in their they threw off their cunning disguises and threatened the pilots with the aid of their sharp beaks, huddling around in a circle like they do on those David Attenborough documentaries they trapped the pilots into a huddle while their expert penguin pilot (who trained at a private company in Arizona) turned off the tracking devices and headed for home, Antarctica.

You heard it here first, now keep a lid on it while I negotiate a fee with The Discovery Channel, this covers so many of their documentary bases that I should get at least two lots of fees.

At least I've watched "Air Crash Investigation"

There couldn't be a penguin pilot because everyone knows that penguins can't 'fly'.
However, they don't need to fly to be experts on everything aeronautical since they can read, otherwise why do we print Penguin books?
I agree the penguin theory is a breakthrough and the Malaysian authorities should be alerted ASAP.

Yes, modern jets can land themselves, (and in sever weather eg very bad visibility, frequently do) as long as the airport has the relevant ILS systems. (Many landings at foggy airports, like Leeds Bradford, often don't take place and the plane is instead diverted not because it couldn't land (it easily could) but because to be allowed to do so, you need 2 qualified ILS pilots on board and most typical flights don't have.

In the case of a dire emergency I suggest a pilot would choose to disobey this rule rather than set course for death in the Antarctic.



It could never reach Antarctica, though. And if the plane could fly for seven hours then it could definitely land. And if you have time to set up such a bizarre scenario then you'd certainly have time to tell ATC what you are planning and why.

Excuse me, I believe you have accidentally stumbled into the wrong forum. You are looking for a forum where expert aviators discuss arcane, technical and obscure matters concerning their art. This isn't one.

Isn't it always the cap fits merchants that respond first.
lol
Good thread this one.

Could have been a Narwhale that hijacked the plane, disguising a Narwhale as a person would be tricky but once on board its got its own very pointy built-in weapon, sure, getting a Narwhale disguised as a businessman through security checks would be tricky "I beg your pardon, this isn't a weapon, its my nose, do you mind?" but once through then it all fits, Narwhale wants to go to the Antartic, escapes from Kuala Lumpar zoo, etc etc etc

In fact, has anyone got Kay Burley's phone number, I'm going to tip her off to do a head count at the zoo, I bet there are several cold water creatures missing, it all fits...

You're just being silly now ... the penguin theory was good ... now you are just making stuff up.

Back to penguins ... one of the pilots could have been the Penguin himself.
I think we need to contact Bruce Wayne.

now we shouldn't rule out a penguin-narwhal co-operation should we? They have a common motive after all.

Narwhals can't get up the bleeding steps and they don't come with carry handles.
Even a penguin would bleeding struggle.
If you're going to be silly be serious.
Unless it was one of those extending walkways at the same height. It could slither down then.
And since it was horizontal would be refused admittance.
lol

"Stay in your seats and nobody gets hurt..."



Just thinking this through, if you're programming the co-ordinates for the south pole into a flight computer wouldn't it be really easy for a penguin to remember, its going to be "Heading 0.00" isn't it ?

Like the penguins on a plane shot, a strong case is being built up here.
It's an interesting point, I will await a navigator, there are dozens on every forum, but South is heading 180 normally, do they flip it on its head in the Southern Hemisphere?
Personally I doubt it, so no wonder penguins have lost the ability to fly.

You are right to doubt it. Australia is the same way up on maps for Aussies as it is for us northerners.

I think penguins can't fly as it got cold and so the fattest ones survived. A bit like Castleford.

I doubt the public will ever know what has really happened. If the authorities know/find out, it will never be released.

Most logical theory I read was from a pilot who said there could have been an on board fire, so the plane turned towards the nearest airport, smoke overcame the crew and it flew on until eventually crashing into the ocean.

There is evidence that contradicts this though.

Some of the technology the military has, is far in advance of what is on the street and in everday life, you're telling me they don't know where a plane that size has got to? I just don't believe it.

Well one theory put forward is from a pilot of over 20 years. He says the protocol in the event of an on board emergency is to re-direct to the nearest airport to land. Based on the u-turn he pinpointed the likely airport they may have been flying towards. He theorises that there was on board fire (apparently the plane was carrying flamable lithium materials), so the plane diverted towards this airport. However en route the crew and passengers were overcome with smoke so the plane flew past this landing point into the indian ocean and carried on until it ran out of fuel and crashed.

Seems reasonably plausible. Except apparently there are reports the pilot made contact after the u-turn and there was no problem.

All very strange.

Just reading about the instances where planes have gone quiet in the USA, it is pretty obvious this wouldn't have happened near America. They'd have been escorting the plane with military jets within about 15 minutes there.

But I think it's a mistake to think that the whole world is covered in the same was the USA is.

I think if an Asian military knew exactly what had happened and where the plane was but didn't want to reveal the extent of their systems, they would just get an anonymous message to CNN or a major Asian news network and give them the scoop.

IMO no one knows where the plane is and no one knows why it disappeared. I think Boeing and Malaysia Airlines are going to have the authorities crawling up their ass so far that if they knew where the plane was, they'd be telling. Boeing absolutely do not want this to have been caused by their error, but having a plane disappeared that was possibly caused by their error is just as bad.

Do they have smoke detectors and CO detectors on aeroplanes, I presume they do?
If so they have time to radio a problem.
Unless they couldn't because it was inoperable.
It can't be discounted that this was planned by one of the pilots, a final hoorah ... 'All right, GOOD NIGHT!'
Outrageous, I know ... but!

True.

Still, the technology the US military has/allegedly has, is mindblowing. It's something which has always troubled me, the relative spurt and explosion in technology of the 19th century onwards.

...or a penguin.

A suicidal penguin.

The one at the back isn't waving, bring him in...

With spooky echoes of the tragic loss of Big Bopper, Ritchie Valens and Buddy Holly, it has been announced that the latest hearthrob penguin boy band Ozone was aboard flight MH370.
The picture shows front left to right King, Emperor, Humboldt and Macaroni in back with his trademark cheesy grin.
All are feared lost. The whole of Antarctica is in mourning

Nah, as for one thing, in such a situation there isn't a cat in hell's chance that the plane would be on autopilot. Also, what would be to stop them from contacting air traffic control over this emergency? Also, if they turned and set course for this airport - which one was it, and why did its systems not pick up the plane as it passed through its airspace? Why dd that tower, which would be urgently calling the intruder into its airspace and getting no answer, rasie the alarm, tell the military, and have the mystery intruder (no transponder) intercepted? Why has that airport not disclosed that it saw the jet fly by?