Not exactly management bollix.....

An ex manager of mine would give occasional speeches to his (small) staff, and would invariably start with 'Presently, at this time we are.......'

I just wanted to scream "either/or" at him each time he said it.

Our Head of Client Services is a master at these. Everyone is either "touching base" or "on point" with their "holistic" "synergy".

My personal favourite was his meeting invitiation to "wrap a layer of strategic thought around the <client> campaign".

Working in digital marketing, you have to get used to them but so far at least, I'm resisting.

"lets take this offline" in a meeting is often used at our place.

That's quite splendid. I might try to adapt it for everyday use.

He would be with a job title like that.

I assume this invitation was issued before the campaign got under way and at the early planning stage? Otherwise, he's doing things a**e roads round and is in the wrong job.

[i"I won't debate this issue with you".[/i

ESTJ by any chance?

[i"Lets debate this outside of this Meeting"[/i

Yes, that just means it probably won't happen!

In one job review I was told I had to develop "helicopter vision". Later I was told in the space of 60 seconds that I was indecisive and also that I made decisions too quickly. The guy doing the review had a pad under the desk he kept looking down to read cliches off. After 3 hours of him arguing and me laughing at him we gave up.
I still, 12 years later, can end up in a rant about the guy. He is now one of our customers, and true to form he's a total tt. I delegate that account.

"Let's take this offline."

Same result.

Let me guess - David Cameron on NHS reform.

I'm surprised no one has mentioned the other game you can play with this.

When you get a particularly obtuse example, ask them to explain it in simple words, and when they use another cliche whilst doing this, ask them to explain that one too.... etc.

My best was four layers of explaination and a self satisfied smile inside when it came down to 'can we look at this from a different angle'.

I'd have argued that one aswell tbh.

I've just received than email from a new buyer at head office asking if we can touch base next week. I think I'll reply with a few cliches of my own thrown.

Me and my colleague are good at getting rid of sales people on the 'phone. Particularly, like those who come on to 'touch base' and act like they're old friends! Amazing how quickly they get the message when you say brusquely things like "What base is that?" "What ARE you on about?" etc. etc

I did think that as I wrote it.. But it's hardly as obtuse (sorry....) as 'coming at it out of hyperspace' as I have heard in the past.

Having read these few pages on this thread I cant believe how many of these I hear at our place!

One thats not been on here that we hear regular is that we have to "link in " with someone else if theres an issue.

Has anyone else had the "manage your manager" line or "manage your expectations"

Oooh just remembered another. Whenever we contact our wonderful American colleagues about global clients, they always find reason to end their 'note' with:

"...and thank you for reaching out."

We get the full on American treatment..

'Remember to deliver the wow and polish that gold!'

I can only assume you work in porn?

I once worked in the R&D department of a major engineering company where we had a manager who had been on waaaay too many training courses. We used to keep a notebook entitled 'The Sayings of Chairman Richard' as he came out with so many of these gems. We also used to run competitions to see how many made-up expressions we could slip into a meeting without him batting an eyelid.

Two of my favourites that he came out with:

[iWe seem to be trapped on a peninsular of illogical thought.[/i

[iThese (insert customer name here) boys are tricky Kangaroos to box[/i

I'm going to try and use that and the earliest opportunity.

Same. That is excellent!

My mate, md of a large organisation, is completely against all this bollox speak, and has just forwarded me an email from one of his managers after he'd asked him to carry out a task for him,

"Sorry Steve. I just don't have any bandwidth at the moment as I've already got too many plates spinning. Perhaps you could plug in with Ronan as he's had some downtime recently and might be able to carve out an opening for you. I'll flip him your mail if you like."

Priceless!