Work in retail, you get them on a daily basis.
"if you can't deal with difficult customers, go to ellsmere port, fit car doors for a living" is my favourite of our store managers.

There's also something wonderfully funny about a Mancunian constantly saying customers will "go mad for it" (complete with a mime of someone surfing) when a new offer comes up.

"don't get mad, get even"
"be the best in town"
"if it's in the building it's on the shelf"
"customers can't buy empty space"

Get marketing on it.

if someone at work talks cobblers I just ask them if they have ever watched Father Ted. If they reply yes I say Jack talks more sense than you. If they say No I tell them watch Dougal at his best as He must be related.

how is that bollox, it's quite true



likewise both of those, make perfect sense in a retail environment.

Are you his boss??

no, I'm just right on this odd occasion

Not exactly management bollix.....

An ex manager of mine would give occasional speeches to his (small) staff, and would invariably start with 'Presently, at this time we are.......'

I just wanted to scream "either/or" at him each time he said it.

Our Head of Client Services is a master at these. Everyone is either "touching base" or "on point" with their "holistic" "synergy".

My personal favourite was his meeting invitiation to "wrap a layer of strategic thought around the <client> campaign".

Working in digital marketing, you have to get used to them but so far at least, I'm resisting.

"lets take this offline" in a meeting is often used at our place.

That's quite splendid. I might try to adapt it for everyday use.

He would be with a job title like that.

I assume this invitation was issued before the campaign got under way and at the early planning stage? Otherwise, he's doing things a**e roads round and is in the wrong job.

[i"I won't debate this issue with you".[/i

ESTJ by any chance?

[i"Lets debate this outside of this Meeting"[/i

Yes, that just means it probably won't happen!

In one job review I was told I had to develop "helicopter vision". Later I was told in the space of 60 seconds that I was indecisive and also that I made decisions too quickly. The guy doing the review had a pad under the desk he kept looking down to read cliches off. After 3 hours of him arguing and me laughing at him we gave up.
I still, 12 years later, can end up in a rant about the guy. He is now one of our customers, and true to form he's a total tt. I delegate that account.

"Let's take this offline."

Same result.

Let me guess - David Cameron on NHS reform.

I'm surprised no one has mentioned the other game you can play with this.

When you get a particularly obtuse example, ask them to explain it in simple words, and when they use another cliche whilst doing this, ask them to explain that one too.... etc.

My best was four layers of explaination and a self satisfied smile inside when it came down to 'can we look at this from a different angle'.

I'd have argued that one aswell tbh.

I've just received than email from a new buyer at head office asking if we can touch base next week. I think I'll reply with a few cliches of my own thrown.

Me and my colleague are good at getting rid of sales people on the 'phone. Particularly, like those who come on to 'touch base' and act like they're old friends! Amazing how quickly they get the message when you say brusquely things like "What base is that?" "What ARE you on about?" etc. etc

I did think that as I wrote it.. But it's hardly as obtuse (sorry....) as 'coming at it out of hyperspace' as I have heard in the past.

Having read these few pages on this thread I cant believe how many of these I hear at our place!

One thats not been on here that we hear regular is that we have to "link in " with someone else if theres an issue.

Has anyone else had the "manage your manager" line or "manage your expectations"

Oooh just remembered another. Whenever we contact our wonderful American colleagues about global clients, they always find reason to end their 'note' with:

"...and thank you for reaching out."