Did you know that, if you watch Lord of the Rings backwards, it's a story about a little guy who gets a cool ring from a volcano and spends the rest of the film walking home...

i rescued a fairy from a fire today and as a reward she granted me one wish i asked to live forever she said im sorry but we cant grant that wish! ok i replied i want to see hull kr win the grand final she said you crafty bugger!!

Offering Paul Wood the matchball from the GF??

I've got my coat

That doesn't make sense.

it does

Why didn't you explain why instead of been a c()ck! Hull KR will never win a GF which will mean he will live forever. Hope that helps.

Paul Wood will be in his Testi-lonial year after Saturday

A woman goes to the doctors and asks if it's safe to have anal sex. The doctor replies it's perfectly safe as long as she doesn't get pregnant. The woman said she didn't know you could get pregnant from anal sex, to which the doc replied " Where do you think all the rovers supporters came from?"

craig sandercock takes his team to a restaurant for a pre season meal. the waiter asks him what he would like to eat. 'i'll have the t bone steak' says our aussie friend. the waiter then asks, 'what about the vegetables sir?' to which sandy replies

'oh, they'll have the same as me'

Bloke walks into a bar and orders a pint, whilst waiting he notices a big fish tank stuffed with £10 notes so asks the bar man what it is.
Barman says "Ah that's the pub challenge money"
So bloke asks whats involved
"Well give us a tenner and I'll tell you"
Bloke hands the tenner over and the barman tells him "You can win the contents if you complete the 3 challenges, as follows first of all you've gotta down a bottle of whiskey in one go, then go out back and the pub rottweiler has a bad tooth that needs pulling but he's a vicious bugger, and last of all you need to go upstairs and give the landlords 90 year old randy mother a seeing too"
Bloke says right hand us the whiskey, does it in one then staggers out towards the back, barman hears all this screaming barking and yelping and after 10 minutes the bloke staggers back in covered in blood and scratches and chunks bitten out of him and slurrs to the barman
"Now wheres this old woman with a bad tooth?"

My girlfriend was putting sun cream on.

"Do you mind doing my back?" she asked.

"Let's pretend I'm your butler" I winked. "My name's Dawes."

"Ok!" she giggled, "Would you mind doing my back, Dawes?"

And that was all the invitation I needed...

woman goes into the chemists and asks for a tube of veet hair removal cream.the chemist says ,when you`ve rubbed it on,don`t wear tights for a week,it`s not for my legs,it`s for my chihuahua,in that case says the chemist,don`t ride a bike for a month.

Two cowboys ride into town and hitch their horses to the rail.As they both dismount one walks around to the back of his horse and kisses its ass.
"Say Tex,why did you do that?" asks his partner.
"Well Hank,I have got chapped lips."
"Does that cure it?"
"No,but it as sure as hell stops me licking them."

Lost my job recently and quickly ran out of cash. I sent the wife out looking for tricks and after the first night she came back with £40 and 25 pence. I was a bit put out and asked “Who gave you 25 pence?” to which she replied “all of them”.

The judge pronounces “I hardly think, Mr Mouse, that your wife having bucked teeth is grounds for divorce”. Mickey says “I didn’t say she had bucked teeth, I said she was f00king Goofy”

Got a great Halloween costume...long blonde wig,Big gold chain,Tracksuit and a Big Cigar...that should scare the little sods.

Police investigating the Jimmy Saville abuse claims have said there could be a ring of paedophiles within the BBC and Jeremy Beadle may have had a small hand in it.

The Pakistani community of Rochdale have decided to honour Sir Jimmy Saville by erecting a life size statue of him at the cities central mosque to honour both his work with young girls and the inspiration he provided to Pakistani men

constipated mathematician,worked it out with a pencil.

if you want to lose your virginity,jim`ll fix it.

Bbc are bracing them selfs for more accusations after a witness has come forward and claimed he saw Rod Hull fisting a young bird

Ive heard jeremy beadles only got a small cock , but on the other hand its massive

Rangi Chase signs for Hull.

Omari caro signs for the dobbins hahahahaha .

Here you go.

Always think before you complain......

These are genuine clips from Council Flat Tenants complaining to the Council about problems with their accommodation !!

1. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.

2. He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it any more.

3. It's the dog's mess and I find it hard to swallow.

4. I want to complain about the farmer across the road; every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and now it's getting too much for me.

5. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.

6. And their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.

7. Please send the right man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.

8. My lavatory seat is cracked. Where do I stand?

9. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.

10. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path? My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.

11. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

12. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and 50% are plain filthy.

13. I am still having problem with smoke in my new drawers.

14. The toilet is blocked and we can not bath the children until it is cleared.

15. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.

16. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.

17. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden which is unsightly and dangerous.

18. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third so please send someone round to do something about it.

19. I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.

20. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.