An estate agent parks his brand new Porsche in front of the office to show it off to his colleagues. As he's getting out of the car, a truck comes speeding along too close to the kerb and takes off the door before speeding off.

More than a little distraught, the estate agent grabs his mobile and calls the police. Five minutes later, the police arrive. Before the policeman has a chance to ask any questions, the estate agent starts screaming hysterically:

"My Porsche, my beautiful silver Porsche is ruined, it'll simply never
be the same again!"

"You lot are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else in your life."

"Didn't you realise that your right arm was torn off when the truck hit you." The estate agent looks down in absolute horror..........

"K'ING HELL!!!!!! he screams - "Where's my Rolex ?"

Why did the monkey put a piece of steak on his head?


He thought he was a griller.

My mate rang me and asked, "What are you doing at the moment?"

I said, "Probably failing my driving test."

What's the mating call for a moderator? "I think I'm drunk!"

It may be AUP PROOF but its not "me proof"



So play within the rules.

i asked a cas fan to see if my indicator working. he replied, "It is, it isn't, it is, it isn't, it is,..."

i asked a fev fan to see if my indicator working. he replied, "It is, it isn't, it is, it isn't, it is,..." and then as he ran off i realized my car was on bricks

A guy walks into a restaurant in Hull asking "Do you serve fish?"

The waiter replies "no"

the guy replies "well that's means my date has arrived"

Cheryl Cole has just released her new calendar.
That’s great, now all she needs is some work to put in it

Richard Agar asked to take a training session before he accepted his new job. He had all the first team Wakey players on the pitch and to start with asked them all to set up in their usual positions, they all walked off and stood behind the posts waiting for someone to take the converson. ( except for Luke George who ran to the treatment room as he thought it might be a contact session )

Driving past the Jungle and i saw a Cas 2012 season ticket nailed to a tree. I stopped the car and thought im having that.........

You can never have too many nails!

went to sunbed wholesalers the other week in manchester, a bloke at the tube counter in front of me says i need a 90watt tube for my tantaliser 900. me and the bloke behind the counter burst out laughing.

everyone knows you need a 95 watt tube for the tantaliser 900. what a burk!!!

bring on next week when my bronzeadonis 3000 arrives.

What do you call a Cas fan with a Wakey season ticket.......
Converted !

Three Fev fans and three Cas fans are travelling by train to the Challenge Cup final at Wembley. At Westgate station, the three Cas fans each buy a ticket and watch as the three Fev fans buy just one ticket between them.
"How are the three of you going to travel on only one ticket?" asks one of the Cas fans.
"Watch and learn," answers one of the Fev lads.

They all board the train and the Cas fans take their respective seats but all three Fev lads cram into a toilet and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor arrives to collect the tickets, he knocks on the toilet door and says, "Ticket please."

The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. The Cas fans are mightily impressed by this, so after the game, they decide to copy the Fev fans and save some money on the return trip.

When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip...but to their astonishment, the Fev supporters don’t buy a ticket at all !!

"How are you going to travel without a ticket?" asks one perplexed Cas fans.
"Watch and learn..." says one of the village dwellers.

When they board the train the three Cas fans cram into a toilet and soon after the three Featherstone scally's pile into another nearby toilet. The train departs. Shortly afterwards, one of the Fev lads leaves the toilet and sneaks across to the toilet where the Cas fans are hiding.

He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket please..."

Started my new job as a bus driver in Manchester today but it didnt go too well .
This stunning blonde with huge firm tits got on and said "are you going to Oldham?" she didnt have to ask me twice !
Oh well back to the job centre tomorrow

I bought my wife a smart car... It doesn't let her in.

In 2003 Johnny Wilkinson made himself a sporting icon for kicking a ball over a bar, funnily enough Emile Heskey has been doing the same thing for the last 15 years.

A bride on her wedding night says to her husband "I must confess darling, in my past, I was a hooker!".
He says "That's all right, dear. Your past is your past, but I must admit that I find it quite erotic. Tell me about it?".
She replies "Well, my name was Nigel, and I played for Wigan!"

Wakefield fan goes for a job interview at a Blacksmiths.

The blacksmith asks "Have you ever shoed a Horse"

The Wakefield fan replies "No, but I once told a donkey to Feck off"

I got a letter from British Oragami Society...................But I don't know what to make of it.

Flubber says something interesting...

Barnsley man goes to to have a statue made of his dead dog, "does tha want it eighteen carrot?" asks the sculpter "ney yah daft bugger, I want him chewing on his bone"

A man walks into a pet shop and says, "I'd like to buy a wasp." The shopkeeper replies, "We don't sell wasps." The man says, "Oh - you had 2 in the window yesterday."

Same man says, "How much are your spiders?" Shopkeeper says, "70 quid." The man replies, "Never mind - I can get them cheaper off the web."

Two old ladies in a pub, one says lets go out for a smoke, ok says her friend.
When they get outside its raining so one old girl goes in her handbag pulls out a condom, cuts the end off and places it over her cig to keep it dry. Thats a good idea says her friend have you got another one? no says her mate so off she goes across the road to the chemist. I would like a condom please she says to the young assistant, the young lad decides to have a bit of fun with her and asks what size would you like ?
Oh she exclaim,s its to fit a camel.

News flash .Cable goes missing at HKR police suspect WIRE fans