Two drug addicts snort curry powder by mistake,they are now in intensive care. One has a DODGY TIKKA and the other one is in a KORMA !

In some far off tax haven country, Sean connery is having lunch with his agent. 'sean,baby we got a real movie on our hands, why dont we go over the script tommorow, what about say.. tennish'. sean stroke his beard. 'sounds good, but i'll have to find my racket'

kevin webster sat at home watching tele. door slams up stairs and the missus is swearing, and comes in the living room. 'what av i done now he says?'. 'there saying your a paedophile on the tele' the missus says. 'paedophile eh! well thats a big word coming form an 11 year old'

A guy, alone on a business trip, decides to call for a 'massage', he gets a number of a hot looking girl from a local phone box and calls her up.

'Hello', the sexy voice answers,

'Hi', he says, 'I want a massage in my room. Actually, look, no, I want more than a massage, I'm all alone here in the city, I want sex. I want you for all night, to talk kinky too, I wanna try every position. Can you bring toys and things to play with, maybe stuff to stick up my bum... My wife doesn't let me do any of that at home?'

'Well sir, if you want an out side line, you need to dial 9 first'.

Q: Why do Sumo wrestlers shave their legs?


A: So they aren't mistaken for any of Castleford Cheerleaders.

A Frenchman, Italian and Yorkshireman are sitting in a pub talking about making love to their wives. The Frenchman says when I make love to my wife she lifts two feet of the bed with ecstasy. The Italian says that is nothing when finish make love to my wife she lifts five feet off the bed with ecstasy. The Yorkshireman pipes up and says you think that is clever, well when I give our lass one I get out of bed wipe myself on the curtain and she hits the roof.