Presumably an All Golds shirt precludes you from being a number 1? Good job there's not so many about...

If I have a dozen in my possession, where does that leave me?

I am happy to add the purchase of both home and away replica shirts to categories 1 and 2. Possibly having Loyal 18 on the back for the elite category 1 members...

True Fans are self appointed but recognised within their peer group.

With a stock write-down long overdue

What about an '85 flat cap covered in badges?

All True Fans may add regulations arbitrarily and without notice at any point, and as a consequence expel other members from the group forthwith. However, having a s[ih[/iitload of badges on ones cap is a sub category I shall add later when not being hounded to get the nippers out of the bath

Good shout, better go dunk mine before the match starts!

wheres the "cant be d going as im on my xbox" category???

We'll let Hogan categorise that one

im sure he cant wait

He has a special sub-category with 1 member I understand.

I'll postpone my write-ups of:

i) Female supporters

ii) Old supporters

'til another night I think

We are not worthy

OK Vicki has forced my hand:

Sub category:

Female fans - may transcend normal categories 1-4. But only at the discretion of - and on the undestanding they agree at all times on rugby matters with - their boyfriend/husband. Female fans should adhere to the following rules: i) Attend principally for the purpose of looking at (and possibly texting other female fan friends to discuss) players legs, ii) must clamour to arrive at the stadium as early as possible, thereby causing others to miss premium drinking time, in order to see their favourite players warm up, iii) ask questions at fans forums that cause Cat 1/2/3/4 male fans to tut and their partner to squirm in his seat and iv) have a shirt with their favourite players surname on the back preceded by 'Mrs'.

Now look here, I just hate that last-minute trot down Frog Lane!

Distance to East Stand male toilets from Pear Tree - 14 minutes. Holding capacity of weakest male bladder after bolting 3 pints of Cocker Hoop - 14 minutes 8 seconds. Sorry flower, th'll haft keep up!

Surely the Female Fan's rank cannot exceed that of their male partner? How the hell would they know about rugby when they're supposed to be cooking their partner's tea before they head out? I suggest they are only tutored by their male partner and therefore cannot exceed his knowledge/category. God bless the little women.

Haha quality. What category do I fall into? Go to all the games but can only remember half of them (the home games where I don't tend to drink)? Think I'm about a one and a half.