old chinese proverb says:man who walks through doorway sideways with erection is always going to Bangkok

"im not scared of the dark"
"im not scared of spiders"
"im not scared of becky taylor"
"im scared of my mates finding out that my dad is a UTD fan"

broke my record last night for continual sex,1 hour and 2min, then realised the frigging clocks had gone forward.

I agreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

fancy putting the clock on 1hour 1minute and 45 seconds





how about a Poem For Jade

Well poor Jade has finally gone
Her 15 minutes went on and on
How long before we all forget
The Essex Bimbo from the TV set.


I'll get me coat

Now that Catherine Zeta-Jones-Douglas has become firmly established in Hollywood, and Charlotte Church is a well-known celebrity in the UK, the Welsh film industry is to receive additional funding to step up production. They are going to remake many well known films, but this time with a Welsh flavour.



The following are planned for release this year...

* 9½ Leeks
* Trefforest Gump
* Cwmando
* The Lost Boyos
* An American Werewolf in Powys
* Huw Dares Gwyneth
* Dai Hard
* The Wizard of Oswestry
* Cool Hand Look-you
* Sheepless in Seattle
* The Eagle has Llandudno
* The Magnificent Severn
* Haverfordwest Was Won
* Austin Powys
* The Magic Rhonddabout
* The llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysilio gogogoch That Time Forgot
* Seven Brides from Seven Sisters
* Welsh Connection
* Welsh Connection II
* Independence Dai
* The Bridge on the River Wye
* Lawrence of Llandybie
* A Beautiful Mind-you
* The Welsh Patient
* The King and Mair
* The Sheepsh@g Redemption
* Breakfast at Taffynys
* Look You Back in Bangor
* Evans Can Wait
* A Fishguard Called Rhondda
* Where Eagles Aberdare
* Dial M For Merthyr


I`ll get my sheepskin coat then

An American Werewolf in Powys

Another daft one :-

A Hunter walking through the jungle comes across a pygmy standing on top of a dead elephant,

he asks.. " Did you slay that beast single handed ? "..

the pygmy replies.. " No, i used my club "..

the hunter replies in amazement, "

blimey you killed a full grown elephant with your club ?..

the pygmy replies... " yeah, there's 500 of us!!!

salford city reds were throwing a big party one Saturday night at the clubhouse, and all the players and officials were there with their wives and girlfriends. shaun mcrae turned up late and found a boisterous game in full swing.

'Come on, boss,' urged alker 'This is fun! We've blindfolded all the girls and now they're trying to identify the men by feeling their private parts!'

'Disgusting!' said mcrae. 'I'm not taking part in a game like that!'
'You might as well,' said the skipper. 'Your name's been guessed three times already!'

Looking around at all the famous rugby coaches milling around in the lobby of the Hilton Hotel during a big SL reception, shaun mcrae, who had a pretty high opinion of his own superiority, turned to his neighbour, a famous sports editor, and said, 'How many really great coaches do you think there are in this room?' 'One less than you think,' replied the editor.

A man walked into a bar

Ouch

Responding to the alarm at Man City's ground, Police caught two teenagers climbing out of the window with a bag full of stolen goods, on checking the bag the police asked had they taken any cups, the lads replied they were on their way to the canteen when they heard the sirens!!

This is poor this one, although thought I would put it on just for The Black Cat.



Latest News:

More roberies have taken place at Premeir League stars homes today, they have broken into Ryan Giggs' house and stole 10 Premiership winners medals, they have also broken into Steven Gerrard's house, reports are that they have stolen his Kettle.

good

they also took a B as well

Newsflash: Thieves broke into the home of a Liverpool fan and stole two books. "The thing that upsets me", he said "is that I hadn't finished colouring them in yet!"

is necrophillia the same as cracking open a cold one !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

that would depend on how long they've been dead for

Scrum-half: 'How many kids have you got?'
Full-back: 'Fourteen-all boys.'
Scrum-half: 'One more and you'll have your own rugby team!'
Full back: 'How many kids have you got?'
Scrum-half: 'Seventeen - all girls.'
Full back: 'One more and you'll have your own golf-course!'

An old boy got married to a young woman.He told his doctor she wanted kids.
"In that case " says the doc,"you had better get a lodger in".
A few months later the bloke went back to the doctor and told him his wife was pregnant.
"Did you do what I said and got a lodger in?" asks the doc.
"Aye" said the bloke"and she`s pregnant too."

Whats the difference between a magicians wand and a policemans truncheon?

The magic wand is used for cunning stunts.