There's never a .45 when you need one.

Presumably he drove off in a large pink cadillac with leopard skin seat covers and porthole windows at the back?

how come you know so much about the arts of pimping?

Did you hustle the mean streets of Buttershaw back in the day?

You deserve all the credit for the assist

Nah, watching a couple of Dirty Harry films, the aforementioned Taxi Driver and a couple of episodes of Starsky & Hutch is all you need.

I was in the sweet centre a couple of months back, not sure why I didn´t post about it on here to be honest but I was impressed. Can´t for the life of me remember what I had because it preceeded quite a few beers, but I definitely recall enjoying the experience.

This is the curry you're on about and not the after dinner prostitute?

Bloody hell fire, were im from we have after dinner mints ...




















were is the International ....

Ah, it´s all coming back to me now.

Thats where that missing fiver went!!

I hope you got change.

I would have done, but I decided to have seconds instead!!

Myself, Tigertot, Bullseye and AP went for a few sherberts at the Fighting Cock and then on for a curry at an unknown restaurant up the road (go up the hill and turn left and its on your left) last night.

Here's my thoughts.

I realised I'd been to this place a couple of years back at dinnertime and had one of their 'Iranian' specialities - a naan bread covered in salad and a sikh kebab with mint sauce and chilli sauce. That was pretty nice, but I'd never been back since - mainly because the colleague I'd gone there with had taken such a circuitous route to get there I had no idea where I was.

On to last night. I had a potato samosa which was lovely: nice bit of salad with it and gorgeous pastry, really soft and slightly flaky. 9/10

For the main dish I was a bit spoiled for choice but fancied a veggie option so had a daal and gourd dish (the long, green, knobbly skinned bitter gourd whose name I don't remember). Dishes came in medium or large portions but there was too much even in a medium dish, so I guess the large are to share. They also came in mild, medium or hot. I chose medium. The dish was very well made and very fresh, with pieces of fresh ginger in there as well as a vast amount of green chillis. Flavour wise it would have made a really good side dish but as a stand alone it became a bit 'samey' after a while and was incredibly hot - the thought of what a hot option would be like there is frightening. Net result I didn't finish it all (but I wasn't alone in that). 7/10

They, strangely, didn't do chapatis but instead did some very nice rotis. 8/10

Place itself was clean and functional - just as it should be.

The menu choice was wide - the family on the next table had some really good looking (and smelling) grilled meats and fish and if the mood took you you could even order the likes of 'sheep's trotters'.

Cutlery was offered and, I regret to say, [iused [/iby one of our party. I won't name names for the sake of his family as I know his sister reads this board, but lets just call him 'Dullseye'.

That was the meal but the after effects need mention to. If under the age of 18 or of a sensitive disposition, read no further.

Straight after the meal my stomach had swelled to the proportions of the Hindenburg/R101 (and any puncture near a naked flame would have resulted in similar catastrophic results). I could also feel the chilli burn.

I woke at 6.40am this morning with a sudden 'urge'. I made my way calmly but quickly to the bathroom and went about my business. Normally when a human releases such a bountiful burden they have the assistance of leg stirrups, gas & air and a midwife brandishing some forceps. I had no such help but bravely 'self delivered' before making an emergency call to warn Yorkshire Water of what was heading their way.

At 7am I realised it was twins and whilst the first had been big, this one was without doubt the evil twin - a foul mix of semi solid and gas. Upon witnessing the putrid stench and porcelain carnage I knew with certainty that there can be no God.

Since then I've been playing a dangerous game of anal Russian roulette - never quite sure whether the latest tightening of the sphincter heralds the release of gas, licquid or solid.

Like I said - it was very, very hot.

Nice 1...thanks for that, sounds like the food was awesome...haha not sure about the after effects though, sure it wasnt a bad pint.?...
Im just about to set off and visit the tried and trusted Sweet centre on lumb lane....review to follow.

Sorry, don't know what came over me. Perhaps it was because the chilli levels in mine were stripping the skin off my fingertips.



You can say that again. After the 3 visits to the traps so far today I can say I know what it's like to suffer from a fresh bullet wound.

Jolly nice grub though. My seekh kebab was arguably the best I've had. The main was lovely too if a bit over chillied! I'll ask for a mild dish next time.

Twas the Punjab Sweet Centre on Listerhills Road. It was one of the hottest I've had in a goodly while. I had pakoras which were a bit disappointing, but the chick pea main was fantastic. Really enjoyed the rotis also.
I arose at 7am for a pee. Got back in bed, got straight back out & a dash for the pan. Just made it. The bottom fell out of my world. I didn't make it to the door on the way out before I had to rush back for the second stanza. Mission finally accomplished I got back in bed but the heat round my spincter was such that I found it impossible to lie down for a few minutes. Round 3 started about an hour later, with a fourth about 11.30. I've been stable since.
Big raps for the FC too. Good beer & company, just too smokey for me though.

This time next year it'll just be booze and BO you'll smell in there.

I know what you mean - my clothes reeked when I picked them up and took 'em to the wash this morning.

I had a third visit about 8.30am. I swear I got out more than I put in. Did an 11.5 mile cross country run after that but got round ok, albeit with a wind assisted time.

thats the best laugh I've had in ages



'Porcelain Carnage' deserves to enter the popular lexicon immediately

Well the sweet centre didnt disappoint.....
Saturday at 5pm..four people.restaurant was half full...Seated and greeted at a large formica table with a large jug of water and four glasses.....bliss.

Poppadoms and large plate of salad....good....9/10

Chicken tikka breast OTB.......very tasty...9/10
Chicken tikka OTB ..........really good....9/10
Seekh kebabs........best in the world....10/10

Lamb madras......lean tender and tasty......9/10
Chicken massalla......nice but not firery enough......6/10
Chicken curry x2.........bob on...8/10

Service 8/10

Sweet centre has always been a favorite of mine...the kebabs and Roti,s do it for me.....all this for.....£25 !!

We went to the Kashmir last night and it was absolutely horrible, it was more like soup than curry. It rivalled the time we went to the Darbaar on Great Horton Road and there was half a tin of fruit cocktail (including a glace cherry) in my curry.

Not quite as bad as the £1.50 curry from Tariq's that gave me food poisoning for 3 days though.

The Kashmir has always been crap. Whatever made you go in there?

That's not true. It's been crap for ten years plus but it used to be the best place in town imo. This answers a question though, we were in the Karachi at the weekend wondering what other places we hadn't been to for many years were like these days. The Kash' was on the list of places to check out.

I've not had an edible curry in the Kash in 15 years!

IIRC when I moved here the Kash & Taj Mahal were adjoining. I had a few decent curries in each but didn't understand the adulation around them. I thought it might be that just don't try with veggie food, as with some other places. Since it's been the kash throughout I don't think I've been more than once, though a respected workmate swears they have the best chapatis in town.

No it hasn't.

It was excellent in the early 1990's and I used to go there at least once a week back then.

Not been there for over a decade and I've been informed by a number of fairly reliable sources that it's crap these days.

Correction:

The Kashmir has always been crap whenever I've been in.