Completely off topic of rugby league but i feel there should be somewhere on the board just for making people laugh.

I'll start

A bear goes into a pub and orders a pint of bitter. The barman pours it and says "£3.50 please". The bear pays and drinks his pint. On ordering his second pint the barman says "We dont get many bears in here" and the bear responds "I'm not surprised at those prices"

(Cue 2 drums/cymbal)

OKay.. 3 things come into my head.

1) I hope you're going back to school soon!
2) I hope you find a job soon
3) I hope you lose your internet connection soon!

Truely awful.

While we're on the old ones.

A white horse goes into a bar. The barman says " Guess what? We've got a whisky named after you". The horse replies, "What? Eric?"

Haha thanks...I'm at work at the minute, quiet time

A survey on dwarves has been published in today's newspaper. It shows that 6 in 7 are not happy...

Keep em coming

A man walked into a bar and said 'Oww!'. It was an iron bar.

A number one and a number zero go into a pub.

The number one says, "Your round".

A woman walks into a hairdressers in Hull and asks 'have you got time to do me a perm?'

The hairdresser replies 'certainly madam, I wandered lernly as a cloud...'

And one is always grumpy

Too good not to nick.

I like that a lot

Sgt. Smith - Jones I didnt see you at camoflage training this morning
Priv. Jones - Thank you Sir

Man walks into a shop and says "can I have a kitkat chunky", the shop assistant hands the man a big kitkat, the man takes a look at it and says "let me rephrase that, CAN I HAVE A KITKAT FATTY"

One morning, two 80-year-old men sat talking about the weather and the latest in medical science and such, when one brings up the latest male medical miracle, Viagra. The other elderly man isn't familiar with Viagra and asks the first man what is it for.

The first man says, "It's the greatest thing I've ever known. The Fountain of Youth! Makes you feel like a man of thirty."

The second man then asks, "Can you get it over the counter?"

"You probably could, if you took two pills," replies the first man.

That's very good.

What do you call a judge with no thumbs?


Justice Fingers.

What do you do if you see a spaceman?


Park the car man.

Quality old school jokes...

Bloke goes into a pub with a pork pie on his head. Barman looks at him funny and asks "why do you have a pork pie on your head?" Bloke replies "its Wednesday i always wear a pork pie on my head on a Wednesday" Barman looks confused and says "but its Tuesday", First bloke says "Oh no, i bet i look a right fool"

A drunk goes into a bar and says "Anyone here own a 6ft penguin?"

Everybody says no.

The drunk says "Ah crap. I've run over a nun"

Woman goes into a top department store and buys a mink coat.
Another customer asks her if she knows how many poor dumb animals have contributed to her purchase.
"Just one" replied the purchaser " and its his credit card"

Why did the baker have brown hands?

Cause he kneaded a poo.

What does Speedy Gonzalez have under his carpets?

Underlay Underlay


Did you here about the landlord shot dead in his pub cellar?

The Drayman is the prime suspect he gave him both barrells.


My brother's just got a job in a bowling alley.

It's not tenpin it's permanent.

A mate of mine told me he was humping his girlfreind and her twin. I said, "How can you tell them apart". He said, "Her Brothers got a moustache"

Consider myself told off.