Not wishing to be impudent on the matter, BUT...

My understanding was that a "pudding", involves suet and flour. Designed to fill the stomach and expand the waistline. (I put Spotted dick and Roly polys in this category too) They can be sweet or savoury The bowl is integral because you need forearms like Garth to manhandle the pudding mixture around the bowl and some flimsy article just won't do, the force would smash it. Hence "Pudding" bowls being so hefty. The other advantage of their heavy construction being that they distribute the heat effectively around their interior allowing for even cooking of said puddings in the boiling water. (Note I did not say Baine Marie).
In the summer when the summer fruits are available, you can create a pudding using old bread and your pudding bowl. This is called a pudding but isn't technically one.
Dessert, I thought, is just a bracket for something that you eat for taste. Something sweet to end the meal. You CAN eat a "Pudding" as a dessert. But a dessert is not a pudding.

Mr Field I have been invited to York Maze on Saturday. How do I find myself out in time for Sunday?

I’m terrible at getting my way out of a maze

You have to be more forceful in your insistence that these are not "dessert bowls" at all but "pudding bowls" and if he still does not believe you then simply exclaim, "What are you, some sort of bloody southerner ?" its a one size fits all argument stopper for discussions such as this for no-one will admit to being a bloody southerner even when they obviously talk like one, for to admit to being a bloody southerner is tantamount to admitting that you are quite stupid and know nothing.

You're a bloody southerner for a start...

Electric hedge clippers and a long extension lead.

I believe the York Maze is a maize maze and therefore is edible. Take some cake for afters.

Oh GOD! Learn your English language!

Take that back!

Paternal Grandfather: b Durham
Paternal Grandmother: b Bedlington
Maternal Grandmother: b Sowerby bridge
Maternal Grandfather: b Cleckheaton
Dad: b Newcastle
Mum: b Batley
Me: b Londonderry (NI, not Leeming Bar)

Southerner my foot.

Describing the sweet course following the main course as "Dessert" is a silly, effete, lower-middle-class and middle-middle-class affliction.
If a person is working, upper-middle or upper class, they will probably say "Pudding" regardless of whether it's a tart, a meringue or an apple pie.
If they are upper class they will further assume that "Dessert" is, indeed, as you say, the fruit and nuts that may follow the cheese.

It's easily determined by asking what they call the cloth item on their lap.

If they say a napkin, they eat "Pudding".
If they say a serviette, they eat "Dessert".
If they look puzzled about having a cloth in their lap at all, it's "Pudding" again... or just "Sweet".

I'm thinking of writing a guide to the etiquette of those who don't have a country estate, a sort of reverse [iDebrett's[/i, with a working title of "Dinner is at noon, teatime is at teatime".

When we go on our little cycling jaunts all over the country, amongst our group of eight or ten there is one, just one, who tucks a napkin into his shirt collar and smooths it out over his chest, he reminds me of that scene from The Godfather where Michael Corleone goes to the restaurant with Sollozzo and the corrupt police chief and shoots them both - the corrupt police chief tucks his napkin in in exactly the same way that my friend does.

Personally I throw the napkin on the floor if offered one - one thing that I can't bear about Aagrah in Leeds is that the waiters place a napkin on your lap as you sit down, I always throw it on the floor after he's turned his back and I've had them pick it up and put it back - I know what its f'kin for, I'll take my chance on trousers splashed with curry thanks ever so much...

Carry on.

And brunch is for those with more money than sense...

Personally I couldn't give a stuff either way. Sugary foodstuffs that follow meals are nasty and make me gip. The only exception to this rule is Lime jelly and Carnation, and this must only follow crisps, sausage rolls and sandwiches at the party of a young child.

What's wrong with simply calling it "afters"?
As in: "What's for afters?"

I think thats a very good compromise.
I'm pleased we sorted that one out, thats what this thread is all about, sorting out the important things in life.

And of course after afters have been eaten, then comes cake.

I love you and, assuming you are a bloke, want to marry you.

After reading the previous few posts I am starting to get the idea that cake could be sweet/afters/dessert or even PUDDING ! ! !

Mr Field . Please will you sort this matter out . I am clear on the point that cake could never be pudding , but there may be youngsters on here that could become confused by such outrageous allegations .

Silly. Cake is served at tea-time, but never as a pudding after dinner. I'm sure Mr Field will be along soon to put you right.

Cake is Cake

and can be eaten whenever Cake is needed, Morning, Noon & Night

I know that . But the authority on all things cake is Mr Field . You or I making a statement alleging to be factual about cake means nothing unless it is backed by one so wise as Mr Field .

I am learning this. What a guy.

The official line is that cake can never be pudding if only for the fact that you are denying yourself the opportunity to eat both pudding AND cake after your dinner, (or main course for those posh people), It is a well known and universally accepted etiquette to have pudding, then bring out the coffee and cake - why would you want to deny either.

However, just last week I ate cake that was a pudding, yes indeed, for I had one of those Bords trifles that you buy in a box and in the box is everything you need to make a Birds trifle including the squares of cake that go in the bottom.

It did feel a little incongruous combining two course like that, a bit like pouring soup over your beef and yorkshires but nevertheless it is the one exception that proves the rule, you can have your cake and eat it in your pudding - then I had cake with the coffee course, of course.

I do apologise, having read my previous reply I realise that I slipped back into the Geordie vernacular with the use of the word "Bord" for the more correct "Bird".

It won't happen again, whey not likely man.

Dear Mr Field,

Are you likely to be bringing cake to the Dogs Trust open day on Sunday (shameless plug for a good cause)?

If so, can you please keep it in a sealed container so Jackson doesn't slobber on it before I get there?

Thanks in advance.

I will most certainly be in attendance at the Dogs Trust Open Day on Sunday 7th August 11am onwards (shameless plug) in order to attend the auction of two pieces of artwork by a famous local artist (shameless plug 2).

However I am not sure of the etiquette of taking your own cake to an event where cake will undoubtably be offered as part of the fundraising effort and in the event I will already be carrying a bag of hot dogs in order to tempt the large German Shepherd Dog known to all as Jackson from my car for his appointment with the dog behaviourist.

I expect to be there around noon, I am the one with a big black and tan dog, and sausages.

PS - I have already been warned and continue to be warned on the hour NOT to return home with another waif and stray.

Dear Macca

I recently made a comment on the Sin Bin (see below) and wondered what your take was on this subject. Would you welcome a regime change and the resulting liberation?

The subject discussed the hot topic of the London riots ......................




My response.........




So, what say you Mr Field? Would i be wise to support a regime change to free myself from the tyranny of my wife and thus reverse the role?