Perhaps "Zumba" is similar to "putting a gnome in the back garden" after all?

No, that's Feng Shui.

Best. Reposte. Ever.

Always nice to see one's work acknowledged, no matter how belatedly.

Now, to engage a chiropractor for young Damo. I fear his neck may have been permanently damaged by watching that comment fly over his head.

He's like one of those Falklands penguins that fall over watching jets you know.

Dear McLaren Field

I know i may be opening myself up to massive ridicule here, but, as a Bradford fan, is it wrong of me to come onto a L**ds forum and thoroughly enjoy reading the musings of probably the best poster on the whole rlfans forums, who happends to be a loiner, and keep comming back?

Damo in positive review shocker

Thinks of this not as a L**ds forum but of a guidebook to life, love, and cake, there has to be cake.

Cakestander.com

Mr field, I’m off on a bar crawl in Leeds on Monday. However the mate I’m going with has a strong scouse accent. Which places are best avoided?

Think not of this forum as a home for the L**ds internet dwellers to cast their views on the fortunes of the team that inhabits that fair city , but think of it as a place where allcomers are welcomed to be enlightened by the master .
We know not why we are drawn here . We only know that we are drawn .
Be the tortures and turmoils you are suffering related to cake , relationships , rugby , car , gnomes , domestic duties, or other , the wisened one will be here to advise you how best to deal with it .

The rest of us will be loitering ready to pounce and take the pi$$ .

Share cake people, share cake, we have visitors.

Nothing is off limits Damo, you need not restrict yourself to any particular type of establishment at all, wander free as wildebeest on the majestic serengeti plains, ponder awhile amongst the ancient charms of Leeds City centre and draw deeply of its good times, ale and vittles.

Leave the scouser at home though, theres a good lad.

Dear Mr Field

How do I explain in a nice way to people that it's "pudding" and not "dessert"?

I'll let you know how it goes



Anyhow I’m sure many will be wondering about this. What is the ultimate lesion in life you’d give me?

Kapow

I don't want to go shopping to the White Rose again, we went on Friday night. How do I get out of these shopping trips? I don't mind if I need something, like DVDs or a KFC, but I don't need anything and I don't want her trying on 77 different things and asking me how her ar-se looks in them all.

Show her this photograph and tell her its just been emailed to you from someone's phone ...

You take one of those deep mixing bowls, the ones that mothers keep in the cupboard with all of the other stuff that hardly gets used but which are considered absolutely essential for women to own in the home, and you point to it and ask the person what it is called.

Invariably they will say it is a "Pudding Bowl".

You smile sweetly and thank them for confirmation and then you ask that they always refer to the last course of each meal as a pudding from now on as there is no such thing as a "Dessert Bowl".

Then you hit them with the pudding bowl, very hard, in the middle of their forehead so that it leaves a mark and in this way they will never forget the lesson.

Works every time.

Let cake into your life, there has to be cake.

The highlight of yesterday had to be wandering around CostCo and on one of the freebie hand-out things were cake.

It was lovely.

It got even better when my Mum bought one of the cakes.

Dear Mr Field

I would be grateful if you would permit a lowly Championship fan to ask a question. Back in the 1980's it was rumoured that the "normal" capacity of Wembley Stadium (then not all seater) used to be reduced for Rugby League fans attending the Challenge Cup final because they were considered to be fat northerners and a breed apart from soccer fans. Is this a myth?

I can indeed confirm this to be true and having sat in what were then the "expensive" seats directly opposite the Royal Box I do recall being absolutely confused by the bench seating that awaited our arrival on that May afternoon of 1977 for each ticket bore a number and each long bench bore similar numbers at nine inch intervals, all was fine fof the first person to sit at the far end of the row but by the time it came to me to sit down the number beneath my a[irs[/ie on the bench bore no resemblance to the number on the ticket, nine inches per a[irs[/ie just didn't work.

Now my girth of these modern times was in no way as well developed back in those halcyon days of my youth and for the life of me I could not quite work out how a football crowd would manage with such seating arrangements and I surmised that football supporters must all have very skinny a[irse[/is and perhaps matching rat boy features too, you can only imagine my surprise and delight when I watched the FA Cup Final on TV the following week and on a close-up of the crowd in the same section that I had sat in, found this to be absolutely true.

And thus has it ever been the same for Liverpool and Man Utd supporters, skinny s and rat boy features, the burghars of Wembley Stadium actually increase the capacity by 15% whenever those two clubs use the facilities.

I knew it !! And an anecdotal reference to boot. Thank you Sir.

Well Mr field it went terribly well. What has this city come to when you can have a pint with a cockney and a scouser??

Thank you, Mr Field.

I have taken your advice and, after his screams had died, the bestowee of my wisdom whispered that he did, indeed, possess several "dessert bowls".

Without saying "Dessert is the fecking fruit and nuts that come after the cheese, you t", how can I explain to him that he does, in fact, own bowls that hold the fruit and nuts served after the cheese?