I manned up in the end but I'd appreciate some advice for the future please!

My advice was man up!

It worked didn't it?

It did

And all was well.....................

Quote ="BaldRick"I'm bored today . Yesterday when I was bored I got the chainsaw out of the shed and chopped my neighbour's tree down . They had been mentioning having it removed for a while , so I did it . They asked me where it was . I told them it is still in their garden . Well , it is . It is neatly stacked against their fence . He was happy , She went ballistic . Can't please some people can you . Today I am going to chop my trees down . My question is .. I chop the trees down , I then chop them up . Chopping them up does not reverse the process of chopping them down . Why ?'" Not one to dodge a bit of investigation. the best I can do is a reference to the origins of the word "Chop" as in "To hurry" coming from English sailors in the South China sea. "Chop Up" comes along meaning, to make faster. Bearing in mind a nautical origin I am going to go with the folowing answer to your question. You "Chop" the tree down, describing the action of cutting into it until it falls. But you "Chop up" the wood, aiming to make it burn faster, the "Chop" not then referring to the physical act of cutting. (A presumption I have taken from the nautical origins and the need for fast burning fuel in steamships, although I am aware that from the source below the ships at sea would not yet have been steam powered but considering how much Naval parlance has filtered into normal usage I didn't see any reason why not "Chop up"icon_wink.gif So you wouldn't reverse a physical action with an intention. www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/chop-chop.html

Quote ="BaldRick"I'm bored today . Yesterday when I was bored I got the chainsaw out of the shed and chopped my neighbour's tree down . They had been mentioning having it removed for a while , so I did it . They asked me where it was . I told them it is still in their garden . Well , it is . It is neatly stacked against their fence . He was happy , She went ballistic . Can't please some people can you . Today I am going to chop my trees down . My question is .. I chop the trees down , I then chop them up . Chopping them up does not reverse the process of chopping them down . Why ?'" Not one to dodge a bit of investigation. the best I can do is a reference to the origins of the word "Chop" as in "To hurry" coming from English sailors in the South China sea. "Chop Up" comes along meaning, to make faster. Bearing in mind a nautical origin I am going to go with the folowing answer to your question. You "Chop" the tree down, describing the action of cutting into it until it falls. But you "Chop up" the wood, aiming to make it burn faster, the "Chop" not then referring to the physical act of cutting. (A presumption I have taken from the nautical origins and the need for fast burning fuel in steamships, although I am aware that from the source below the ships at sea would not yet have been steam powered but considering how much Naval parlance has filtered into normal usage I didn't see any reason why not "Chop up"icon_wink.gif So you wouldn't reverse a physical action with an intention. www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/chop-chop.html

Thanks for that . I will now attempt to explain it to my 7yr old son .
The question arose when Katie (the neighbour) said that as he had helped me chop it down , then he had better help me chop it back up .

This thread is very funny. I'm now trying to think of a conundrum for Mclaren Field.

Mr Field, I have recently bought a packet of humbugs and for most part they have been great. However they is this one humbug that isn’t getting demolished no matter how hard I suck or chew on it. It’s a bit too big to swallow down my windpipe too.

Are they any other ways I can digest this particular stern humbug once and for all?

No, there is no really easy and no painless way for men to remove a plaster from a wound, women don't have the problem of hairy limbs (do they ?) and so will not understand, if any women are currently reading thus far then click away and go do some ironing or similar useful task, this does not concern your pretty head...

Have they gone ?

OK, so to the problem of removing a plaster from a limb or other extremity, or even the torso with hair trapped beneath said plaster - as has been pointed out above, the only way to remove such a plaster without feeling any pain is to remove someone else's plaster.

And thereby lies the solution.

Newtons First Law of Reaction and Interaction specifically states that for every pain there is an equal and opposite pain, the sum of which will cancel each other out, provided that each element of pain is EXACTLY the same as the other, if one is greater than the other then you will be left with the greater amount.

So here's how it works in practice...

You find a friend with an IDENTICAL pain threshold to yours and here Damo is where you are already one step ahead of most of us for with your brick-to-the-skull testing of last year and its subsequent video evidence we have seen what your pain threshold is, in short its not very good, in short you're a bit of a wuss actually but at least you have a base point to assess your friends with.

You need to spend most of this evening calling around to your friends houses and as each opens the door hit them in the temple with the same brick that you used in your YouTube test (film these for comparison too will you ?) - what you are looking for is the one who reacts most closely to you in your video, in other words the one who falls to the floor unconscious.

When you have found this person with the same pain threshold as yourself all that remains is to stick a plaster to them on the same limb as yours, hopefully that limb of theirs will have the same hair consistency and frequency as your own.

You then stand opposite each other and take up the position, each grasping each others plaster and on the count of three you fiercely rip off the others plaster - if you do this correctly and with equal ferocity you will find that you actually feel no pain at all, and neither will your friend for what you have done is equalled out each others pain, an equal and opposite pain, you didn't feel any pain when ripping his off and so you feel no pain during the counterpoint of him ripping yours off.

its a scientific fact - get out there and find that friend right now Damo.

And don't forget to video it.

Just tell her to keep her busy-body nose out of the arrangement between you and her husband, this is what happens when you let women come out into the garden and inspect your very excellent handiwork, women have no business commenting on chainsaw-work for chainsaw-work is mens work and if you allow them to butt in on mens work then the next thing you know they'll have stopped menstruating and it will be our turn to start having babies.

It all started going wrong when that suffragette threw herself under the Kings horse at the 1913 Derby and rather than go for the obvious headline of "Bloody Woman Spoils Horse Race" the press focused on the cause she was promoting.

Chainsaws, where will it end

Its probably a pebble.

Humbug machine operatives are well known for doing this to liven up a slow Tuesday afternoon on the Humbug press, they'll chuck granite pebbles into the sweet sticky mess before it goes to the mould stage and spend the rest of the afternoon chuckling away behind the palm of their hand at the thought of some poor bugger sucking away on a pebble for time immortal.

I know from the extra detail that you supplied to me that you've been sucking on this "humbug" since you were five years of age and I can now tell you that its undoubtedly a pebble and you can safely remove it from your mouth and throw it away, or cement it into your driveway or other useful pebble-like things.

You may also find that your life long speech impediment also improves no end.

McLaren

A question that has always bugged me, On a shopping trip with the opposite sex, what ratio should it be for her shops to my shops (i.e record shops)?

Who told you there had to be a ratio ?

The ratio theory is a myth and has been debunked on every single shopping trip that I have ever had the misfortune of attending on a personal basis, if you are trying to proceed with the idea that you should have any sort of say in what shops you visit on your joint forays into retail establishments then that explains why you have so many relationship problems.

Let me underline this point, for this is a very important point for any young man to understand.

[uThe very instant that you embark on any relationship with a female is the very instant that you sign away your rights - to anything.[/u

You need to seek formal legal advice - I have injunctions on my wife visiting most branded high street retail stores within the West Yorkshire boundaries now.

Brilliant

Damo . If you ever decide to attempt to get that humbug down your windpipe please please please get a mate to film it .

That made me p!ss.



Good thread this.

I can confirm that this did work eventually. If only for a day.

SB mods are testing you on a 'day release' basis.

Something like that

Dear McF,

me and my mate are staying over in the Queens Hotel on Friday night after the game.
Could you advise on any after game establishments where a pair of dashing fortysomethings may have the possibility of getting layed? [size=50(without having to pay for it).[/size

With thanks in anticipation.

I'm sure your Mum wont mind going into a record shop with you, just ask nicely.

I'm not McF, but have you tried Mike's Carpets?

Closed down. Best with Christian carpets just down road from queens but it is near water!!

Don't the good folk of Hull already have a mental carpet fitter?

My best advice would be to bring your own blow-up women if I were you for its highly unlikely that any male from the Humberside area would be able to find a female in Leeds who is so desperate for rumpy-pumpy that they'll accept your pleading without at least stopping for a moment to ask what it is that you've actually said to them.

Money would help but even then you'd have to be able to express to them what it is you're looking for and at the last census no fewer than two women in the whole of the "LS" postcode area could actually decipher a Humberside accent, approaching a female in Leeds with an entreaty to entertain her down your ten foot is very likely to see you sitting on your own in the Bridewell for 24 hours or so.

Best to try Bradford methinks, they are much more willing and less discerning there.

Or so I'm told...