I've always had what I would say a mild underlying problem with depression but nothing i didn't think i could manage, the trouble is though it was that illusion of control that stopped me getting help, if anyone has mild depression ibwould strongly suggest getting help now, because there can come a time you hit rock bottom and without support and a touch of luck you can quite easily do something silly to yourself.
I'm still not over it but i am over the sucidal thoughts, and don't ever think it won't happen to you, the brain is a powerful organ and it can do strange things under duress.

Been good to get that off my chest if I'm honest, thank you to the others too, it's a sign of strength to be open about your weaknesses, thank you.

Like I said before it's great to hear others have gone through this......again, not that I mean that I wish this on you or other people......I wish you hadn't endured this but I mean to be not alone in this means a lot. When the talk of Bailey's depression first appeared on this thread I had a lot of indecision about if I was comfortable enough to be able to add to this topic.

6 years ago I took a kitchen knife with me to bed with the intention to end my life and the only thing that stopped me is that my father had a son from a previous marriage that had been murdered in 2003 and I had to watch him bury a son......no father should have to do that and my father who was always tough as bricks I saw a wreck in tears and the thought that he'd have to do that again was the only thing that stopped me.

The one that I'm ashamed of is that unlike others on here I continually refuse to get professional help. The daft thing is, I do know it's whats best for me...but like Smokey said, depression can show itself as lack of motivation and I haven't had the motivation to seek help.

That and the other symptoms he mentions "lack of motivation, trouble sleeping, lack of energy, avoiding social activities and contact with friends and a higher propensity for substance".....

I'm lucky if I get 3 hours sleep a day, I push friends away when they organise social activities and make excuse for not attending and for substance abuse I absolutely hammer vodka and cociane on a regular basis......not proud of it but it's what gets me through the days unfortunately.

The one principle I work hard to live by is to force myself out of my comfort zone every single day, it's only then that the condition improves. 'The things you feel least like doing are the things you need to be doing', it's like a job in itself making the right decisions every minute of everyday, build the wall one brick at a time. One thing that's saved me is being ultra competitive, I'll not take it lying Down.

Fairplay to everybody whose opened up on here. Thankfully, not something I've had to endure, but those who've been brave enough to talk about it surely can only lead to others suffering in silence to not be ashamed and talk to their friends/family about it

On the stance of cynicism can we really afford to be cynical about something that takes so many lives. I'd rather be taken in by the very small minority than have a view which serves only the person holding it. Strange how peoples immediate response to the revelation of physical illness isnt one of cynicism. I've no doubt I too have 'friends' who dismiss my illness because they think they know me.

As a fellow sufferer, I've found reading this thread both sad and inspirational. The one thought that always goes through my mind is "Nobody understands or cares", to hear of others has brought home that I'm not alone. Far from it. For me it's a constant battle to find ways of taking me away from myself, if that even makes sense. I've found a few things in life that just seem to lift me, and inspire me, and its always about motivating myself to do those things rather than the routine get up-go to work-go home-drink myself stupid-repeat. Sometimes i manage it, other times (most of the time) i slump into the rut.

As for the cynicism, i understand it. Like some have said, human nature is such that people will always take advantage of certain situations to make things better for themselves. That said, and whatever the reasons for Bailey coming out, if it inspires just one other person to not suffer in silence, then for me it's worth it.

Great post!

I've had personal experience of this horrible illness and I've never read anything that comes close to describing it as well as you have. A brilliant post. Thank you mate.

So Bailey has done something good by coming out about this .Thankyou Bails

Un-intentionally maybe

all I am sayng is here seems to be quite a number of people on here who seem to be thankful to talk with other suffererers

I know - I was messing about....

It's fantastic that people on here have been able to discuss the matter and get something positive from this whole conversation! Great stuff...

Yes

I don't think I'm missing the point. I'm sure their is massive stigma associated with mental health issues,my point was something entirely different. Don't kid yourself that people who fake depression always have mental health issues. The one's that I know we're sly, devious people looking for financial gain. Having stood in a pub and listened to someone who faked depression advising another person what to say when he visited the doctor, I know it was greed not mental illness determining their actions.

In my fairly limited experience of social media, this thread is the most moving I have ever read.

If I am right in my thinking you are a very fine coach by the way, a view that would be endorsed by a number of the up and coming rhinos including young Mr Golding.

Keep up the good work.

Thank you, such a thoughtful post to make. It's been a privilege to work with young athletes like Ash and others and I look forward to seeing my current 16s continue their development too. The people ive come across and the focus it has given me has made a big difference to my life and I'll never forget all the players and the memories.

You are welcome, you should be proud of the contribution you have made and continue to make.

I have great respect to all that have written so openly on this thread.

I consider myself fortunate in this regard but have seen the ignorance and the damage done to para-phrase Neil Young.
Looking back I think depression was a significant contributory factor to my mother's relatively early death and the impact of certain periods of her life effectively altered my brother's personality and I believe probably changed how his life has panned out. He has a good job and is very well off but closed down in many ways.
I am turning the clock back a bit here, but she was given electric shock therapy a number of times and this from the so called experts in the medical profession.
Sure we have moved on a bit since then but think there is still a long way to go.
Good Luck to all.

Wow!... and again WOW! This thread has been a real eye opener. I post rarely, but read for 'fun' and information, gossip and news. Names of posters become familiar and perceptions are formed. This thread has stopped me in my tracks! What started out with such a nasty whiff of cynicism has turned into a life-affirming, inspiring and thought-provoking one. I am filled with sheer admiration for the guys who have taken this chance to tell it as it is and have described so accurately what real depression is and feels like. This would have not happened without Bails speaking out and for that I think he deserves thanks. I really hope he reads this and knows what he has managed to do. For those of you 'opinionated, hard-talking and macho' posters who have bared your souls, admiration and respect is huge and you have surely achieved a real step forward in this thread. It may gradually fade away, like all others, and sink lower down the page, but it has surely been unique. Thank you too, especially those who have turned their depression face-about and put so much into helping others and adding so much to the game I love. It's devotees are surely a really special bunch!

Awesome thread! Just awesome. I've nothing to add that hasn't already been said. I've been there and come out the other side.

All I can say is that those who are doing it tough, hang in there. You are not alone.

Got to admit when a title of a thread is "Ryan Bailey" you would never in a million years think it would end up been such an interesting and moving read that it as become.

Well done to everybody who has had the courage to put personal issues on here, hopefully it has helped everybody in a small way. Mental health/ depression or whatever else it's called needs to be in the spotlight a bit more and anybody who suffers from it will receive all the help they need. Let's hope the days of stigmas are in the past and people can ask for help instead of suffering silently

Was never a fan of his as a player, but wish him nothing but well on a personal level...

Awesome reading. Moving, enlightening and educating. Thank you its been a privilege to read.

It does demonstrate that no matter how alone you might feel in your despair there are many more suffering/that have suffered the same...if only you know where to look. Who would have thought it would have been on here !!! (when your GP tells you about the huge period of time you must wait before official counselling is an option hardly helps anybody).

I don't feel as brave as others on here that have told their story (such respect) for fear of tearing myself apart again....suffice to say I lost a good woman (my wife) because of its debilitating corrosive effects on my mind. I actually thought I was unworthy of her and it actually became a self fulfilling prophecy. ....

I have to take my hat off to those who have shown such great courage in sharing their innermost troubles and personal stories with their rugby sparring partners. You guys have earned respect. I consider myself so lucky not to have suffered from this debilitating illness which I have seen be the cause of much unhappiness in others.

Having highlighted how common this illness is on SS I would hope that this could lead to future debates being argued with more sensitivity and less personal attacks albeit still with conviction.

What a great point! We all have our own opinions, and this place is better for that, there's no need for it to get personal when opinions differ - whether that be giving out personal insults, or just taking someone's difference of opinion personally, we don't need that and it adds nothing to any debate.