Swarcliffe Stalker as my next name change it is then.

It has got a bit of a ring too it

Wheels. I'm gonna give you the job anyway mate. Just aslong as you turn up for the interview.

His office is on the 20th floor
And the lift is broken


Can I suggest the window cleaners cradle ?

He'll find me an office.

He wants me in his team, I've got maaad skills and that.

See how I beat everyone for the next match thread?

Oh yes.

It's only because you got the advantage of been able to park closer to the post button.

Could you do me a favor while you're not busy? Could you get onto that for me? It needs fixing. Theres laws and stuff...

I've got McFlurry on it. It should be fixed soon. You need to be on the 20th floor cause thats where I'm based. And you don't want to miss out on this do you?



Like the Courtyard isnt it? Not at all?

Wheels, if you put a pic of Damo on your CV, you're guaranteed to get a job!

might not be the job you're wanting, but you'll get something!

When we get CV’s in a work our HR assistant de-sexes, de-ages and removes any references to personal attributes (even their name) so by the time they get to the person who shortlists them they have absolutely no idea what kind of person will turn up for the interview.

So in answer to your initial question – No, I wouldn’t bother mate (especially with a mug like yours)

Theres a problem, it'll only go down and theres no spares until next week, can you relocate in the basement and I'll get security to direct him to the "down", we can't call it a lift anymore.

How he's going to get back up is anyone's guess, but then maybe he won't want to go home.

Anyway - seriously now...

I'm writing a CV for my wife, I had to sack her last week, now I'm writing her CV for her, and yes, I am being serious now.

So are all these "CV Templates" that you download for free from the net any good or do interviewers just look at them and throw them in the bin ?

I've never written a CV before, the last time I went for a job you circled an advert in the Evening Post, rang the company from a phone box and they said "come and see us", I got the first job I was interviewed for, those were the good old days see, 1974, full employment and all that...

Online ones a garbage do your own.

And employers usually look for key words dependent upon what the role is so depending on what you intend the wife to do amend it appropriately.

I don't mean the ones that fill in the blanks for you, I mean the general layout of them, are they all pretty much the same, are employers looking for the same info in the same location on the page ?

Rule of thumb – short and sweet, 2 pages Max.

Set it out with the important stuff first –

Profile – a couple of paragraphs selling your self

Key Skills (tailor them to match the job don’t have a generic CV), bullet points 6 to 7 tops

Pervious experience – again keep this relevant, they don’t want to know that you spent 6 months as a brickies mate if you’re going for a job as a bus driver.

The Education bit – only list qualifications, prospective employers really aren’t bothered which primary school you when to.

A couple of lines of Person details and a couple of Hobbies/Interests

CV’s aren’t fully read, they’re just the ticket to the interview, a crap layout will land your CV directly in the bin without it even being read.

The difference between there and here is that it is not lawful to request (or evaluate someone from) a picture on their cv. Is that correct? I assume that's why HR always take them out. So I suspect the answer should be no — unless you look like Brad Pitt or something then the tart in HR might recommend an interview just so she can see you in the flesh. Foot in the door etc.

The problem here is everyone attaches a picture and for some reason Asians are eminently photogenic so what you usually see on the cv looks like this



but in reality when it comes to the interview it is invariably



I don't think they mean to misrepresent themselves but I do realise there is something of a counterfeit culture here.

It's not that funny if you have to deal with high staff turn-over, trust me. Not to mention the disappointment factor.

Is that ting tong from tooting??????

Looks like a work environment I want to be part of.

See you in the basement next week lad, I'll be sat near the 'down'.

And thank you everyone for your help.

It's much appreciated.

Come for the interview (We can chat and drink vodka) and you can start next week once the lift if fixed. Deal?