A World-renowned expert in the sounds of European wasps is walking down
the High Street one day when he spots an advert in his local record shop
for "Wasp sounds from around the Globe".


On further enquiry he discovers that a vinyl recording of this subject
has just been released and a few copies are available in store there and
then. Naturally, being a World-renowned expert in the sounds of
European wasps he is curious and asks the young chap behind the counter
if he can have a listen to "Wasp sounds from around the Globe".


A few seconds later the World-renowned expert in the sounds of European
wasps is standing at one of those little sound stations with his
headphones on and a puzzled expression on his face. He removes the
headphones, walks back to the counter and catches the young sales
person's attention. "Excuse me" he says, "I'm A World-renowned expert in
the sounds of European wasps and I've just been listening to "Wasp
sounds from around the Globe", and I must say, there appears to be some
mistake. Those are not wasp sounds with which I am familiar".


The young man dutifully checks the recording in question and assures the
World-renowned expert in the sounds of European wasps that he is indeed
listening to "Wasp sounds from around the Globe".


Puzzled the World-renowned expert in the sounds of European wasps
returns to the headphones and once again begins to listen. After a few
seconds he once again returns to the counter and accosts the young
fellow there. "Excuse me" he says, "As I mentioned before, I am a
World-renowned expert in the sounds of European wasps and I've just been
listening to "Wasp sounds from around the Globe" and I have to say
again, those are not wasp sounds with which I am familiar. Are you
certain I have been listening to the correct recording?"


Slightly exasperated by now, the young man checks the disc currently
playing and with a slightly sheepish grin confesses:





(wait for it)
























"Oops, sorry Sir, I seem to have played you the Bee side"

I'll get my coat

BAD NEWS - Patrick Swayze has died!

MORE BAD NEWS - The Swayze family had booked Keith Floyd to do the buffet at the wake!

They'd have had the thyme of their life.

Yorkshire Women





3 men married wives from different countries. The first man married a woman from China. He told her that she was to do their dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.



The second man married a woman from Italy. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better.

By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done and there was a huge dinner on the table.



The third man married a Yorkshire Lass.

He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed,

lawn mowed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal.

He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he

didn't see anything but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher.

NEW WORLD SURVEY


Last month a world-wide telephone survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was:-

"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"

The survey was a huge failure because of the following:

In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "honest" meant.

In Western Europe they didn't know what "shortage" meant.

In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant.

In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant.



In the Middle East they didn't know what "solution" meant.

In South America they didn't know what "please" meant.

In the US they didn't know what "the rest of the world" meant.

And finally, in the UK they just hung up because they couldn't understand the Indian accent.

Fantastic! I've just discovered twitter. its my girlfriends sensitive area between the & the Shitter.




replace lover with tw@at