But not in cars

Behind the bike sheds?

The only thing I ever got behind the bike sheds was a kicking from a nast piece of work we had as the 'cock' of the year.

, my sexual encounters came later, in fact I remember my first sex, it was dark and I was by myself

I heard you've been spotted knocking about Inmans School bike sheds.

I'm not actually talking about age-gap, just the notion that having a libido in one's, erm, more advanced years is somehow disgusting.
A woman in the same circumstance would be applauded.
"Good on her" people would say "She's still got it"
Well, yes, "good on her" .... but good on him too.

Mistaken identity mate, spend most of the working week in Mackemland these days, so divvant gan blamin me like.

Thought erectile dysfunction may have got the better of you by now.

Rigor Mortis suffices.

or a lolly stick and a couple of tie wraps

I've just been round to one of my mates and purchased 88 blue one hundred mg tablets off him.

He's a good lad. Gave me them for ten bob apiece. (there his prescription off his doc, he's 70.

)
One has to try and keep one's pecker up in these austere times.
There's fook all else to put a smile on our faces at present.

Take two with your breakfast and you will get noticed at work



You could change your site name to Stiffler

Fair enough.
I did wonder what a filth writer such as yourself was on about

The most I've ever took was in the Kings down your neck of the woods as I had a bit of a date down Brevere.
Was a major faux pas it was.
300 mills of viagra and a gallon of Stella did not mix well.
Rigid but my head felt like it was going to blow off and heart palpatations so severe I thought I was gonna have a coronary.

Never again. One is the most I will drop.

Viagra and wife-beater together.
Please tell me you didn't start beating her with your 'bat'.

I was more concerned about her calling 999.

There is always the option of getting to know her a bit before actually shagging her. All sorts of hints at her real age will then come out, like the fact that she wears a school uniform from Monday to Friday for example.

She'll definitely wear that uniform in court.

Even if her school doesn't have a uniform, she'll wear one in court

I once came very close to being nicked for serving underage.

I was helping out at a friend's pub when the old bill turned up. One of the girls in the pool room turned out to be 13. Di, the landlady, while being interviewed by the rozzers, asked WTF I was doing serving her. I told her that not only would I have served her, I'd probably have married her. I then reminded her that when I came on duty, the girl was already in the pub and the only person that could've served her was Di herself. NFA

Yeah there is that option. But if you do shag her that night are you a disgusting paedo and should you be held 100% responsible for not checking her date of birth? There's also a chance that even if you do take that option that the girl who lied about her age to get into a club with older people might continue to lie about her age. Is there that much of a difference between a 15 year old and an 18 year old that you can immediately tell? In some cases yes, in many cases no.

It should be a bit of a clue when you get back to her place and find the Justin Bieber posters are almost obscuring the Spongebob wallpaper in her bedroom

Yes.

Just don't pick up and shag a girl before getting to know her, at least enough to know whether she's over the legal age of consent. It's really not that difficult. Just keep your penis in your pants for a while.

As long as you know the lass is 16 years old then you have nothing to worry about.

Once again, we get back to the tricky part. How do you find out how old she is other than checking some kind of official ID?
How do you tell the difference between a girl who is 15 years 11 months and a girl who is 16 years and 1 month old?
As mentioned by others, a confident girl can often make herself look older, and girls (and lads) have different interests at different ages and mature at different rates, so it's not as simple as just getting to know her a bit.
Not that it's really an issue for me, 16 year old lasses weren't interested in my ugly mug when I was 16, never mind now.

I see Jim Davidson got rearrested again this week on sex allegations.
How about throwing crimes against comedy in with it?