Myself & a colleague (him late 30s) were discussing a meeting with a consultant who turns out to be called Paul King. Obviously I broke out into "Love and Pride". Colleague looks at me bemused. Turns out he was 4 when it came out

When I was doing a job last week and the 28 year old client said you used to go to school with my dad

Try Cougar then!

My 11+ paper was written in Latin.

Starting to shop for clothes in Matalan.

Buying myself a t-shirt that reads "I may be old but at least I got to see all the good bands"

Seriously considering buying Long Johns (man tights) so I don't get cold at matches.

I'm 40 FFS!!!

I've been wearing them since I was 30 - call them 'skins' to imply some kind of technical, sportswear connotation - you'll feel better.

When I realised I’m older than my girlfriend’s grandad. In my defence they do have children at a younger age in Cambodia.

Edit Durham Giant. Very funny but too far over the line to be left Edit

I was in the barbers a couple of weeks ago and when the lad cutting hair asked what I wanted I said "Oh the usual Martin Freeman-alike" haircut.

He'd no idea who Martin Freeman was. When I mentioned The Office he looked blank and said he didn't watch much old telly.

When I stopped going to the barbers 20 years ago & started cutting my own.

When my new OH listens to music, and I'm compelled to point out that *everything* she likes is a cover version; and that the original was better.

I don't think it'll last.

If you didn't sign a pre-nup, fook her off, pronto.

As most do the wife and I always buy one another a few surprises for each other at Christmas.

Anyway a few years ago the lead up to Christmas the wife said with a glint in her eye “I’ve got something great for your surprise this year, but it’s something that we can both use in the bedroom”

I thought WOW this is going to be great, I hadn’t been this excited for years, a few days before Christmas I said “Would it not be better if I opened my surprise before Christmas so the kids don’t see it?”

She replied “No they’re old enough to understand”

Oh well I tried and they were 17 and 15.

So the big day arrived and as usual I was last at the opening ceremony but it was finally my turn, I ripped the wrapping paper off like a man possessed, and there it was……………..a tub of anti-wrinkle cream!

When my girlfriend’s student visa ran out and she asked me to fill in the marriage licence forms so that she can stay her - I realised I have underpants older than her

In fact I’d already been married once when she was born ha ha.

Still fashions change don’t they? Cambodia wasn’t on the map in those days it was Thailand and Russia!

When at the match and I heard somebody say "yes. over there, just behind the old bloke". So, I looked around to see where this old bloke was...and it then dawned on me! I was the old bloke.

When you remember 2 divorces with both citing "he couldn't keep it in his trousers" and the current wife moaning all I do "is keep it in my trousers".

Mind you' you know the wife's getting old when you catch a verrucae from a tit .

"Signs you are getting old" appears to have become a Bernard Manning set-list.

When you remember any set list by Bernard Manning

Shurrup you Pinko ponce.

You know you’re past it if you still think brexit’s a good idea.

Seeing a pair of roller skates in a museum, only to realise you had a pair as a kid.

They were hand-me-downs but...

Cracking skates though.

Excellent riposte young sir

Why thank you old boy

I remember those skates well



(hope the pic works)