Anyone done it or experienced it? Regrets?

Sadly, we've got to collect young Miss D tomorrow and try to sort things out. She didn't even see Freshers Week out. In fact she had blown out first day but we've tried to encourage her to think about it and give it a chance. Seems her mind is made up. Bit annoyed that she may have taken a place someone else could have had but maybe they could still give it to someone via clearing? Also, seems a waste for someone with all her good GCSE's and A levels.

I wish I'd never had gone to Uni when I did. My parents were both teachers and it was the done thing. Should have carried on my rugby. I would back her fully into getting an apprentaship somewhere so she can find out what really interests her and what she wants to do with the rest of her life. I only know a handful of people who are working as what they studied to do. She has plenty of time on her side. My wife went to Uni in her late 20s and got a 1st in physio and is loving her job. I'd say doing Uni when maturer will get better results anyway as there is so much pressure on getting ed etc. don't worry

it will be ok.

Be supportive of her. Ask her why she felt the need to drop out, and let her answer when she is ready.

Rid your mind of thinking that she's taken someone else's place or inconvenienced people. She's your daughter, she's about 400 billion times more important than the imaginary person who you'll never know.

Also bear in mind that this could all be over something that's not even related to uni.

She didn't take anyone else's place, that concept went out with my generation when universities were free but places strictly limited, today you'll get in as long as you sign the debt form and they'll take every single one who will particularly on courses (ie the majority of them) which involve very little classroom/lecture room time and lots of "home" study and downloading work, my eldest's law degree was probably only 25% spent in a university premise and some of her student colleagues barely attended half of those sessions.

As for her decision, in the long run and depending on what she was going to study it could be virtually meaningless but you probably need to have a sensible, supportive discussion over what her reasons were, she obviously realised very quickly that this was a huge mistake, was it the wrong course or living away from home - if you still want her to have a further education there will be options for other courses in your locality where she can study based at home, there will be non-degree qualifications in your locality that have practical career implications, the only thing you need to do is find out what it is she wants (which might not be easy), getting angry isn't going to help at all.

My own experience with two daughters now out of further education is that one has a law degree and is working in a large law practice with in-work training towards further qualifications while the other did not go to Uni but took some vocational qualifications for two years at a further education college (all for free incidently, no student fees to pay) and is now working at the same law firm as her sister.

Anything is possible, University is not a passport to future wealth, a willingness to work hard and impress employers is.

I don't know her reasons or her personality but it's not necessarily a waste of GCSEs/A levels, it depends on what sort of career she actually wants to do, she might be a lot better off seeking professional qualifications and getting a few years head-start on that rather than getting a degree in something that she'll never look at again.
Not knowing the whole situation, the only advice I'd offer would be that, although you quite naturally want to be proud of her, you should avoid imposing your own aspirations onto her.
Best of luck.

I dropped out of higher education when my dad died, I couldn't focus on anything and needed to get a job, regretted it every day of my life but in hindsight would never have passed with my mental state at the time. Just bad timing all around, I wouldn't pressure her but I would try to get to the route cause. Maybe a year off or moving closer to home could be a solution?

I think if your daughter knows that university is not the right path for her, she has already shown her maturity. I decided not to go to university the conventional way part way through my A-levels. Got a job which trained me through a degree (albeit unnecessary for my job) and I am in a far better position than all of my friends that did go to university. The only people that have bought houses and got good jobs out of my friends seem to be the ones that didn't go to university.

My partner went to university conventionally and thoroughly enjoyed it. Came home with a very good degree and got a city job that she liked for about 6 months. After 3 years and making her nearly go insane, she quit. She volunteered for 3 years while undertaking a foundation degree as a gardener and now has her dream job. She might not earn quite as much as she did, but the smile on her face after every day is worth a million pounds!

Contrary to what the school's career advice person says, a degree is not a passport to a successful job and as other have said, it is all about hard work and a willingness to learn and do a good job.

Any idea why ?

Was it a course related thing or a living away from home/friends issue?

Is a different course or more local route to higher education a viable option?

I didn't go back after my first year, and things worked out OK for me.

Interestingly, the big IT company I work for has a real focus on helping Unis retain their students. With a student equating to around £9K a year, there can be a business case for expense that helps with student retention. Some good data and clever analytics software can really help this. Not sure it would really have picked out someone leaving after day one though!

I dropped out half way through a 4 year course.
I just hit a brick wall... Woke up one morning and thought "I've had enough of studying", and my mind was made up. It upset my parents no end, especially my Mum (God bless her), so I made myself a promise to succeed along a career path (although I'd no idea at the time as to what I really wanted to do!)

I was always science minded, so I got myself a job in a lab, in a position well below my capabilities. However, I simply worked hard, worked my way up, took a diversion into sales and then onto product management. All the way through my career I was supported by my employers in the form of additional training courses as and when required.

(Eventually, I completed my degree via the OU, in my own time, and at my own expense, just to prove to myself that I could do it!

, and although it's had no affect whatsoever on my career path, having a BSc after my name is good kudos! )

I put all the support down to me showing committment and enthusiasm, coupled with hard work, and I'm sure similar principles prevail today.

Maybe she's just not ready for it all yet. Another year at home with some work experience, paid or voluntary, might make a big difference. You get her company for a while longer too.

I wouldn't think that the dropping out is necessarily a major problem – as mentioned by several posters, there are plenty of alternative ways forward that are at least as good – but the main question would be what direction she wants to go in.

If she's confused at present and doesn't know, would it be perhaps be better to persuade her to go back while she rethinks things?

Or is there an opportunity for her to spend some time away to try and work things out and find some clarity?

I don't know whether this is the case, but it can be very intimidating and difficult your young people if they have little or no experience of being away from close family. It's a huge jolt.

Would the university, in such situations, be prepared to let her start next autumn?

Congratulations to your daughter for having a mind of her own and not following the rest of the sheep into debt. After all she will only get a piece of paper telling her how clever she is.

Unfortunately, this generation have all been brainwashed or emotionally forced into higher education. Just a way of keeping unemployment figures down. There is no guarantee of work at the end of the course. It's not what you know, but who you know.

I have a daughter in her final year. Her debt is relatively small compared to her friends who live in university grounds, approx £15k each. They have pretty much been told that there are not enough jobs for them all ( teachers) when they finish their course, of which, it works out at roughly 15 hours per week of lectures, that's if some don't get cancelled, which is quite often.

Once your daughter sees that 1st pay packet, she'll forget about university. There is no greater incentive than money.

Well, unless she was about to train to be a doctor or a vet or a nuclear physicist or a lecturer in ancient history or ...

Well, unless she was about to train to be a doctor or a vet or a nuclear physicist or a lecturer in ancient history or ...

There's an issue with young people being shunted into forms of tertiary education that may not be needed, may be inappropriate for them etc, but there are still plenty of careers where a university education would be the best option if not downright essential.

A friend of ours daughter has just done the same thing in that she lasted less than a week in York. She is very bright but as decided to try for a place at Chester Uni which is of course her home town.

A different institution might suit your daughter or going in a years time may be an idea.

Another alternative is to study from home at the Open University. Very highly regarded if I say so myself (as you probably know I work as a tutor for them in my spare time) and the number of people under 25 enrolling is on the increase probably in part due to the fact the fees are £5K for a full years study than £9K at a traditional Uni. You still get your student loan to study there.

My son went to Uni last year and while as a parent leaving them there for the first time is a day of mixed emotions we did see some students (and parents) in a right old state and you could almost tell it wasn't going to last but whatever the reason she decided to leave for, assuming she wants a degree education there are plenty of alternatives and she doesn't have to do it right now.

If I was in your situation I'd try and encourage her to try again in a years time. Going to University was for me one of the best times of my life and I learned a hell of a lot more than just Computer Science.

Maybe university is right for her but its a bit early and not the right time for her.

If she is dropping out during Freshers Week then its not going to be because of the course, its probably something like:
- she is not ready to leave home yet
- she didn't fit in with the other students so didn't think she would make friends

It doesn't meant she can't give it another go in the future, at the moment she will probably feel a bit of a failure though so best to keep her spirits and ego up and no point giving her a hard time about it.

I know some people say you should give something a proper go before giving up etc but the other side to that coin is a quick decision is sometimes best when you really know you are doing the wrong thing. One of my flatmates at uni hated his course and was unhappy at uni from the start, but he tried to 'guts it out' and had teh same problems through 1st and 2nd year and ended up dropping out in 3rd year which was a far more costly decision.

You know, thats a bloody good piece of advice, as I mentioned my eldest on her law degree course may as well have just stayed at home on the days she went to lectures, and then the lectures were all available to download on the same presentation slides that the lecturer had used anyway - just drawing a line underneath the whole Uni idea and spending almost 50% less on a home study degree is almost the same thing !

Plus, she could probably finance most of that with a part time job too !

I did the same, however it felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders when I decided I wasn't going back.

Freshers' week is all drinking to excess and sex, with the occasional 'welcome' lecture thrown in.

It's a difficult time, particularly for girls. Friendship groups are starting to form, and if your face does not fit then you can feel very isolated. The lads will be out for lashy + smashy and any girl who puts out will probably instantly get labelled a slag.

That said, the people I was 'friends' with for the first few weeks of uni were not the people I was friends with for the rest of the course.

What course was she doing and where? Is there likely to be any long-term benefit in it, or was it just going to be a huge pile of debt and a BA in social policy?

That £5K is for a full years 120 points worth or courses as well. You could do the degree over four years (or longer) and thus not only reduce the yearly fees but also leave more time for some part time work.

When I said there are more under 25's enrolling these days it is considerably more. It's been a noticeable trend for some time and the OU has had to take it into account as younger people have different study patterns and expectations to the OU's more traditional more mature students.

This is a very sobering website; it basically calculates student loan repayments for anyone going to uni in 2012 or later: www.thecompleteuniversityguide.c ... calculator Interesting that if you are a 'high earner' it says you will pay back around £50K over just under 14 years. If you are a low earner you will pay back £22K over 30 years and the rest of the loan will get written-off. Any 18 year old who goes to uni will be paying back their loans well into their 30s if not beyond, unless their parents can help them out.

This is a very sobering website; it basically calculates student loan repayments for anyone going to uni in 2012 or later: www.thecompleteuniversityguide.c ... calculator Interesting that if you are a 'high earner' it says you will pay back around £50K over just under 14 years. If you are a low earner you will pay back £22K over 30 years and the rest of the loan will get written-off. Any 18 year old who goes to uni will be paying back their loans well into their 30s if not beyond, unless their parents can help them out.

Thanks to all - a thread with sensible comments is a change! Anyway, things are complex and an amalgam of many of the points raised. Things at home have been very stressed for the last few years and in many ways the last 15! She is a twin and we had to split the twins up at 4 as her sister needed special school provision. Consequently, at an early stage she lost the outgoing half of the twin partnership who she relied on socially. In more recent years her twin developed a catastrophic chronic condition and she has seen her suffer awfully and then regress dramatically, cognitively speaking. So, this time last year - when family stress was still very high she wasn't ready to go to university and we suggested she ask if she could defer her course a year in case she felt she could do it this year. She also suffered from social anxiety. So she had a gap year. Got a job in a supermarket - where she made good friends - and saved up to take herself to China for 4 and a half weeks. She also home studied Japanese GCSE and managed to scrape an A* (293 out of 300).

So, it seemed all had gone marvellously and she had matured (which she has in some ways). However, just before she was due to go her social anxiety resurfaced as did her lack of confidence - that she couldn't cope, everyone else would be cleverer, etc. Furthermore, she shocked us a couple of years back when at the last minute she applied to do geography rather than German, which was her first love at that time. Then the day after she'd applied / the deadline she decided she really wanted to do Japanese or maybe Korean. She did not get round to asking to change though. The other thing she was concerned with that everyone would be drinking heavily - whilst she likes one maybe two she hates that sort of behaviour and latterly has preferred non-English friends for that reason. Unfortunately, after we dropped her off on Sunday things got off to the worst possible start. Her room is one of about 7 in a "flat" within the hall of residence and after dinner with the others they all started playing drinking games and engaging in obscene conversation. So she left. But each night some of them have got ratted and return at 3.00am to the common parts with lads and are shouting and screaming until 7.00am. So she's not getting sleep and is surrounded by juveniles who are like 12 year old girls on a sleepover, albeit fuelled with alcohol. That plus her social anxiety plus doubts over her course plus leaving her boyfriend plus debt concerns plus worrying about studying stressing her took their toll. We went up to pick her up yesterday but it became apparent that part of her wanted to be there, part wanted to get a job. So, we took her to her department to discuss and they said she could change courses if she wished and that their course wouldn't be tough if the first year, etc. So she then went to the Japanese department and after speaking to her said they'd take her if she wanted and also suggested a related course where she could study some Japanese, some Korean as well as Asian cultural / economic topics. So, after all that we suggested she think about things overnight. So we stayed over and left her to think. She later texted to say she still wanted out despite the offer a perfect course for her. So, we went to pick her up this morning but she was using the future tense about things as though she were staying. After I went to find out how to get out of the accomodation it became apparent she wanted to stay but wasn't sure she could cope with everything. So, we told her to come home for the weekend, think about it and Mrs D will take her back Sunday either to pack up or give it a go for a few weeks to see if she gets into it.

So, things are still no clearer! In a ideal world I think she'd like to live at home but do the Japanese course but that ain't feasible.

Maybe a nice local-ish Uni with plenty of family support is the ideal option, possibly save up buy herself a cheap runaround.

First thing Dally, she didn't "scrape" a fekkin A* in Japanese you pillock, I fekkin "scraped" an E in Maths in my 1973 O levels, in fact I "scraped" into Grammar School in 1968 by ONE MARK - you have a very intelligent girl there, for christ sake stop using language like that, no wonder she has anxieties about not being good enough.

You already know the answer, the problem isn't that she isn't intelligent enough, on the contrary she clearly is but may need some positive encouragement to believe herself rather than telling her that she scraped the top mark in an exam, AND there is a problem with accommodation which I'm sure most sensible adults can empathise with, I wouldn't like to be living under those conditions either and I'm not always a grumpy old tw**.

A degree course is not necessary but if desirable then you're going to need to look at your local Uni's, if her love is language and the Far East then there is your focus right there, don't go shopping for the "best Uni", go shopping for the best choice for her, with all that she has coped with so far in her life she is doing remarkably well to shine in a subject like Japanese which is a very useful tool to have in your CV when it comes time to choose a job.