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Headingley Invaded!
Posted by southstander on April 01 2005 - 07:58:44

Loof Lirpa

In a surprisingly successful mass protest against the incorporation of a genetically-modified species of grass in the sacred Headingley turf, 'Green Action' campaigners last night invaded the famous Rugby ground and set up camp in front of the South stand.

Led by the Dutch international pro-nature activist Loof Lirpa, approximately 400 protestors are believed to have used bolt-cutters to free the massive steel gates and effect a silent and non-violent occupation of the entire rugby pitch so successfully that it wasn't until ticket office staff arrived this morning that anything was noticed to be amiss.

Police immediately cordoned-off a no-go zone around the cricket and rugby areas and are believed to be deeply involved in negotiations with Mr Lirpa by mobile phone.

The protestors main objection is at the use of the controversial GM species Festuca Futballensis, developed by the Spanish laboratories of Abril Tonto for its hard-wearing and quickly-regenerative properties. A spokesman for Leeds Rugby was hopeful of a settlement with the protestors and evacuation of the ground before the Challenge Cup 4th round match due to take place there tomorrow and said that the Police cordon did not include the ticket office which would be open and operating at its usual efficient best.

'We had no idea until this morning.' said groundsman Doug Trowell 'I saw the gates wide open but thought it was just Security mucking about. It's a big problem, I mean, once we've got them out of there, there's all the chick peas and lentils to get cleared off the grass before the referee's pitch inspection.'

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