Minutes of the festive meeting of the PFU, held on January 4 2005|
Item 1 - Footwear:
Members are reminded of appropriate on-field attire also runs to cover boots, specifically the requirement of them to be at least 85% black. Jason Ryles was in clear breach of this by wearing silver boots. A recommendation has been made to Mr Ryles' native branch of the union to issue a fine and severe reprimand.
Item 2 - Fisticuffs:
Nobody needs any reminder that it is a prop forward's duty to get involved should any biff start on the field of play. To that end, the union feel duty bound to commend the actions of Mark O'Meley in the Test match at Wigan. Having seen a schemozzle erupt due to the actions of two back rowers and it subsequently fizzle out, Mr O'Meley launched into the middle, prolonging the fight to an acceptable timeframe. Mr O'Meley is an example to all members.
Item 3 - Tries:
It has been a trying couple of months (no pun intended) given the number of four pointers members have been registering recently. Stuart Fielden kicked this sorry catalogue off with his try at Wigan in the Test. Not happy with backing up over 40 metres, he then took it upon himself to romp over from 25, merely compounding his error.
Sadly, this has had an effect on some of the younger, more impressionable members, to whit Nicholas Scruton. He was witnessed scoring against Wakefield on the back of a 40 metre break, which included rounding the fullback. The same game saw the Leeds shop steward, Barrie McDermott scoring twice, albeit from close range. Mr Scruton compounded that infringement with 2 tries of his own in the game against York.
Daniel Lima also scored a brace in a pre-season game against Barrow. Some reports had Mr Lima down for a hat-trick, which would obviously have been far more severe.
This situation has clearly got out of hand. The PFU guidelines on this are quite clear. Fines do not seem to have the required effect on members infringing in this area. Suspended sentences are recommended - one month per infringement, meaning the following:
Mr Fielden - 2 months
Mr Scruton - 4 months
Mr McDermott - 1 months
Mr Lima - 1 month
All members have been sent a letter reminding them of the guidelines in an effort to draw a line beneath this.
Item 4 - Stuart Dickens:
Last year, Mr Dickens (then of Featherstone, now of Salford) was reminded of the goal kicking rules. Having been spotted taking shots at goal in the pre-season game against Swinton, he has been warned as to his future conduct.
Item 5 - Ryan Bailey:
Mr Bailey was spotted putting boot to ball in the game at York. Accepting a plea of 'wrong place, wrong time', the union handed down a warning as to Mr Bailey's future conduct.
Item 6 - Andrew Farrell:
The long running dispute over Mr Farrell's application has been resolved. On being withdrawn to the back row for the international series and with his club side recruiting some genuine front rowers, his application has been withdrawn. We hope this is the end of the matter.
Item 7 - Haircuts:
It was noted that Mr Scruton of Leeds has chosen to dispense with his dispensation to sport a mop top and reverted to the PFU's haircut of choice, namely the cue ball. Future discretionary dispensations are therefore no longer a formality and a new application must be made should the crop turn out to be Samson-esque.
There being no other business, the meeting was adjourned to the Dog & Goose for the belated Christmas party.