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Prop Forwards Union - Meeting 7th February 2005
Posted by southstander on February 08 2005 - 07:44:46

Confused Winger!
by John D

Once again, our man on the inside has managed to sneak a copy of the minutes of the latest meeting of the PFU mandarins out of their top secret headquarters high in the Pennines.

Here's his report.

Minutes of the Meeting of the PFU, held on February 7th 2005

Unregistered members:

We have been getting complaints from various directions about the use of unlicensed players packing down where they shouldn't. Maurie Fa'asavalu is one, and he compounded it by wearing silver boots. That kind of thing might be acceptable in the pansy-fied world of the second row, but it doesn't wash with us. St Helens will shortly be in receipt of a stern letter warning them about further breaches.

Perhaps more disturbingly is Leigh's deployment of Oliver Wilkes. This man, need I remind you gentlemen, used to play.... and I'm not sure I can say this...

[Our man writes: The chairman fainted at this point. The rest of the meeting was conducted by the union secretary once all the hubbub had died down]

Gentlemen, gentlemen. Order please. As our distinguished chairman was about to say, Oliver Wilkes - former Halifax WINGER - was seen packing down in the front row.

[Our man writes: This caused outrage. The Leigh representatives were subjected to terrible verbal abuse and a pie was thrown. In an effort to restore order, the Leigh members were swiftly ushered out of a side door. The meeting continued after a lengthy delay]

Order please gentlemen. Order. And any more pies thrown will see your subs going up. Where were we? Yes. I'm sorry that we have to pass sentence on the Leigh club in absentia, but this is a very grave situation. We withdraw all union representation from the Leigh club for a period of not shorter than six months. May I suggest we take a break here to allow tempers to cool off.

[Our man writes: The bar was opened for a short time and the meeting resumed after about half an hour]

Still on the subject of unregistered members, St Helens did things right in the case of Johnny Vegas. A temporary membership was requested and granted because the chair loved those 'Monkey' adverts and that his physique is the very model of that on which the PFU was founded. Let this be a lesson.

Tries:

We're still seeing too many tries. Mark Edmondson of the St Helens chapter got a hat-trick against Widnes. In keeping with recent precedent, he will receive a suspended sentence of two months.

Danny Lima of the Warrington chapter had a one month suspended sentence last month and was in breach of the terms. He is therefore to have his membership rescinded for one month. Re-admission is at the discretion of the executive committee. It is harsh, but it's got beyond a joke now.

Veterans:

We'd like to end this meeting on a better note by commending two union veterans - Terry O'Connor and Barrie McDermott. These two future Hall Of Famers have gone through pre-season playing like 20 year olds. It is heartening to see these old lags providing such great guidance to the modern day prop forwards.

The communnique ends here. Rumours abounded about the Leigh representation getting a good shoe-ing outside, but our man found no evidence on searching the car park.

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